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Comments for 'Halo 2: A New Hope, Part 4, Assault on Earth' |
( . )( . )
1:17 am | May 18, 2003
nice story. great action. space stuff got a little repetative but overall an excellent story. i cant wait to read more.
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Hikaru-119
10:56 pm | January 17, 2003
Good thus far, yet something is bugging about the destroyer Desperation.
How can one ship, even if it's over 4 kilos long, have ten MACs? How many fricking generators does it have for such an over whelming amount of weapon systems? Other than that good story.
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Berconius
4:16 am | December 5, 2002
Excellent writing, definitely massacres my attempts to write, then again, I'm a high schol freshman so I guess thats okay.
Any way, you may want to add some sybolism in to this story, like in the battle on the space station or on the ground. The Spartans in ancient times got thier butts roasted depite superior ability... The enemies were finally defeated by the fleet, you may want to take that in to consideration in a way such as having the spartans on the ground force the covies into a retreat. That followed by a swift stomping by the remaining fleet.
Also, your descriptions are great, I don't think the need to be shortened but, as you can clearly see, I'm really long winded any way.
Keep up the quality, stories like this are a zephyr in a torrid jungle of horrendous literature. ;)
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Torch99
5:06 am | December 1, 2002
Action...Excellent
Plot...Excellent
Grammar...Excellent
*Some terms in the space battle got a bit repetitive. I HIGHLY recommend keeping a thesaurus next to you while you type, to any writer.
*Kind of got caught up in the descriptions, but nothing glares otherwise. Looking forward to reading the next installments.
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Xzilen
1:38 am | November 29, 2002
Good story, but I did notice too much was reminsicant of Fall of Reach.
For instance the shattering in the wake of the Supersonic blast, and a few other parts, but it was very well done.
The one thing I don't like is how everything revolves around Plasma.
Good story, keep it up man.
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ThreadedAce3
9:20 pm | November 28, 2002
Sweet story you've got here. if you wrote the space battle like this, i can't wait for the ground action. This is a real nice story. keep writing
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Wado
9:13 pm | November 28, 2002
No prob Sephiroth. Remember those are just suggestions from me.
Your story rocked, keep writing.
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Vero
7:03 pm | November 28, 2002
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!That was a nice ass story. I loved the action!!!!!! I can't wait to read the next part! Can't wait to see what the ground action is like. Keep up the awesome work!
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Sephiroth
5:50 pm | November 28, 2002
Thanks for the comments, I appreciate them. To Wado, thanks for the tips. I understand what you mean, and I'll try to improve on this for the rest of the battle.
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Sarge
4:41 pm | November 28, 2002
How does this guy know so much about Cortana think about it. Was he on the POA???
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Spartn119
4:03 pm | November 28, 2002
Wow! That was the best out all of them so far. Can't wait to see what happens with the MC
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Wado
6:00 am | November 28, 2002
Nice action, good job.
You asked me to make suggestions to help your writing. Well, let's see, you did a pretty good job but perhaps you could have shortened up the weapons and ship descriptions a little. One way this could have been done is to add function with the name of the ship or weapon. For example instead of just saying Shiva nukes you could call them Shiva capital-ship destroying missiles and instead of 30mm chain guns you could call them point-defense 30mm chain guns. This will save on having to explain the purpose of the weapon in an additional sentence.
One more suggestion is that although your action was excellent, the battle lacked some suspense. I can't really explain this but it might be more suspenseful to have something like: your about to hit the Covenant beam ship with 200 archer anti-ship missiles when suddenly a Covenant escort frigate blasts in and shoots down a bunch of the missles and uses electronic measures to distract a bunch more. Now you have just lost your sure kill, so now what? Well you launch more missiles that's what, but by this time the enemy beam ship has entered into slip space and has appeared 100,000 km on the other side of the fleet and is blowing the crap out of your rear forces... etc.
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someguY
5:21 am | November 28, 2002
that was cool
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someguY
5:19 am | November 28, 2002
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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