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Comments for 'Prodigal Son: Part 11 Scott (beginning)' |
Mainevent
7:15 pm | June 6, 2004
The duck tells the tru7h. Scott obviously doesn't know shit on his own, because he knows this because something else knows this is every other sentence.
Work on that, a lot.
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snowy_duck
9:41 pm | June 5, 2004
ya, don't tell an entire story in pasttense. makes it boring to read, hard to describe, difficult to follow. try presenttense and never say "Scott knew this, because Corporal Gunny Hayes of the four fifty one knew this." okay that might be a nice change of wording the first time, but don't say it again, and again, and again. heck if ya wanna be a stickler about proper enlish do not say a fact and 'because'. i quit on the first half cause it got old fast.
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Scott D
10:01 pm | June 4, 2004
perhaps I was a bit rushed in the descriptive elements of this chapter, but it came from trying to keep its size somewhat close to the norm for posting. damn 32kb restriction.
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Berconius
2:27 am | June 4, 2004
though your diction and general telling is lacking in clarity, it's a damn good story. keep it up and learn from orther, more detailed fics.
8/10
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