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Comments for 'Bravo Team pt. 1' |
Capo Rip
3:11 pm | January 24, 2004
Hey, you spelled stuff right. But there were a few tense changes, and a Sgt. Moore mysteriously appeared for one sentence then was gone. Also, you don't need to describe Grunts, Jackals, Banshees and M19s in detail to Halo fans, all that does is fragment the story.
And hey, Awacar! I got it on my first try! :) The 405th!
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Helljumper
5:55 am | January 23, 2004
It seemed like this was halo fanfiction for third graders. No offense, it was ok, but it seemed kinda childish as i was reading it and couldn't get into it. I couldn't even finish. If you read stuff from some the vetern writers here you'll see waht i mean. I'm by no measure a vetern but i try.
ODST
First to rise, last to fall
Helljumpers do it all
Feet first into hell
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Awacar
8:32 pm | January 22, 2004
Decent, not bad, good descriptions and all of that, but not the top of HBO. Sure, if anyone gets there on their first try, I'm Santa Clause.
One little thing annoyed me, and that was the punctuation. Sometimes you cut sentences on places where you shouldn't, and sometimes you place another sentence afterwards, which contains the things that you cut out in the last one. If that occured to a few sentences, okay, thats no problem, but you did this frequently and mostly, the things you cut out were vital to the lines. This made me feel like driving a car and don't pressing the gas all the time, more exactly, it felt like someone stamped on the gas.
Please change this. Otherwise, great story, and welcome to HBO fanfiction.
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