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Comments for 'The Enemy Within-Chapter Five: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire' |
Jenkins
3:56 pm | May 15, 2004
Therre's alot of things I could say about this story, but everyone else has already said them. So I'm gonna say:
CoLd BlooDed: Good story, MAP, that was pretty good.
MCC: Just as good as your other ones.
Mastergrunt:Sweeeeeet!
Am I good or what?
Dammit Jenkins Fire Your Weapon!!!
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Mind_Affecting_Parasite
7:26 pm | April 10, 2004
Yeah, I guess I kinda rushed the last part a bit. Looking back, yup.
To CoLd and other people refering to future coming action: Yes, this was the final chapter of not combat. I felt like I should really develope the story and characters first. So that you could know what kind of place, mood, and personality to expect and go with. I think it helps the future mood, and makes for a less confusing read.
-MAP
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MC's Cousin
4:07 pm | March 1, 2004
Just realised something after digesting the story. It sounded a bit like you rushed the last part. Hmm...
Signing Off
MCC
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Awacar
2:57 pm | March 1, 2004
Thanks, CoLd BlooDed. I'll try. (And hopefully report of my success later.)
Thanks!
And good story, MAP. I apologize for posting OT material here.
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Mind_Affecting_Parasite
2:55 pm | March 1, 2004
Sorry, some thing my dad has installed on the comp dod that. I'll fix it next time.
-MAP
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Mind_Affecting_Parasite
2:55 pm | March 1, 2004
Sorry about the bleep there. I had to use my dads comp. *Sigh* He has some "Net Nanny" peice of shit on there that does that kind of thing. If I have to use that comp again I'll make sure it's off. And I ahd no idea that was off the Trek. I'm not a Treky, sorry. But thnx for pointing it out. I'm not sure that I can get the next one out in time, so...but we'll see.
-MAP
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Mastergrunt
2:19 am | March 1, 2004
Sweeeeet! Nice story man. Suprised the humans would take a wounded elite with them, but hey like you said he could be useful. Lol, humans and elites fighting alonside eachother, snff,snff,snff, touching.
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Jon M
11:37 pm | February 29, 2004
You know, Earnest Hemmingway used to avoid the F-bomb, then at a dinner party he met Gertrude Stien and she told him, "You're the young man who can't say fuck, aren't you?"
From then on, it was F-this and F-that for good old pappa...at least until he blew his head off.
Ayway, it it's approproate, use it, but if you find yourself saying it too much find other words.
For example, when you say "You'll have to scavenge one of those Covenant pieces of ####, son." ... Just say shit...or use the word crap.
I liked the stream of consciousness narrative.
Am I the only one who is going to point out "The Enemy Within" is ripped off from the original TV Star Trek?
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CoLd BlooDed
9:31 pm | February 29, 2004
Oh, and MAP, I forgot to say.
When you want to swear, just do it, there's nothing wrong with profanity. Don't "bleep" it out, when someone does swear, it kinda brings out the intensity or mood of the story.
Like how I used "fuck" in the last chapter of TSTS, its all to reveal the mood. :D
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CoLd BlooDed
8:23 pm | February 29, 2004
That used to happen to me, Awacar, but I just kept refreshin'. That's all I can suggest, wish I could be of more help, I'm still looking forward to the rest of your series!
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MC's Cousin
2:05 pm | February 29, 2004
Just as good as your other ones. And as CoLd already mentioned, I can see that you are about toget some action sceens in there. Make them good alright. And detail, make sure you ad to and keep up the detail level you have for the battles, it makes them more actiony and exiting.
Signing Off
MCC
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Awacar
6:44 am | February 29, 2004
I can understad you, CoLd, waiting isn't fun. I've been waiting for very long now. As you might see, I've posted no stories in... uhm .... a very long time. It's that preview of my submission that wont show up, and therefore I can't post it.
Does anyone know what to do? I've tried the things Louis wrote about on thew news a whle ago, but nothing seems to work.
Help...
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CoLd BlooDed
6:54 pm | February 28, 2004
Don't I always? :D
Shit, I want my story posted! Oh well, at least it didn't get posted along with a whole series at once.
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Awacar
6:31 pm | February 28, 2004
I can only agree with CoLd. He has said everything worth saying.
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CoLd BlooDed
5:33 pm | February 28, 2004
Good story, MAP, that was pretty good, and I see you're leading up to some action. Keep it up man, I'm expectant of you. :D
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B-Man
2:46 pm | February 28, 2004
HAHA thats so funny how alike our story names are...
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