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Comments for 'Probably No Choice, Part II' |
???
6:24 pm | March 24, 2004
[indent] This is how you indent??
[indent] Or is it this?
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Elmo
9:51 pm | March 11, 2004
John coulnd't post this for you first story so i put it here, I thought you were to detailed (clinical) with the medical description of injuries which bogged down your story. Also I could care less for the character if he was a doctor or warrior. He wasn't personable. You may want to re-arrange your paragraphs and put some which are at then end closer to the top.
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JJiggssaw
3:56 pm | March 1, 2004
Since you were posting on my story I will say that this really is a good series. I think this chapter is weaker, it would be better if you didn't let on that it was a dream; though it was the most powerful part. I still think it is 'pretty darn good' like MCC (and since when do I agree with MCC!).
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Jon M
2:39 pm | March 1, 2004
I was getting tired at the end, so you're right, it loses a bit of coherence and starts to spread itself a little thin. Kind of like how I said shuttle 4 times in the same paragraph that was only three sentences long. Ouch.
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MC's Cousin
10:02 pm | February 29, 2004
That was pretty darn good. Although I think you should link more paragraphs together. Makes the story look better. Keep up the good work.
Signing Off
MCC
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Solidus Snake
4:43 pm | February 29, 2004
I'm kinda speechless, you got something great here, nice job.
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Jon M
3:49 am | February 29, 2004
So basically you guys are too speechless to comment?
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Jon M
4:18 pm | February 28, 2004
I goofed and didn't link this story to the series. You can find it with a title search for "probably no choice" but I don't know if this internal link will work. BTW there's only two stories so far, but stay tuned.
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=jon_m..._a.k.0225040559561.html
Anyway, thanks for reading. Any guesses what Adam's mission will be?
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