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Comments for 'Wandering Beasts' |
saturn
6:51 am | December 29, 2002
Uhhhh....Cough.......Shibizzle.....blah..blah...archon....cough.
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Sarge
7:09 pm | December 27, 2002
In addition to what Saturn said: *cough* Wado *cough****
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Not bad but not excelent either keep trying my friend.
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saturn
6:53 am | December 26, 2002
do realize that none of us mean offense. we just give pointers for the next one. ya, battle scenes have to be spicy cause you'll have a lot of comp here. every series has battles, the ones that stand out are the ones with unique/good descriptions and attention to detail.
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el_halo_diablo
1:29 am | December 26, 2002
sorry dude, I meant to this site. Hope ya stay here.
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Jahan
9:00 pm | December 25, 2002
I'm not a newb, maybe to this site but not to writing.
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el_halo_diablo
7:36 pm | December 25, 2002
It lacked originality because I've read waaaay to many stories that begin with a covenant invasion in a UNSC ship. But you're a newb right? So I don't blame you, keep it up.
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Sephiroth
8:42 pm | December 24, 2002
Not bad. Your descriptions were good but the battle scenes were lacking. Instead of saying stuff like "he dropped the grunt with a three-round burst", say "his MA5B spat out a trio of bullets. He felt the gun kick back in his sweaty hands as blood spurted from holes in the alien's breath mask." that kind of stuff
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Jahan
7:27 pm | December 24, 2002
How so?
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el_halo_diablo
6:51 pm | December 24, 2002
nice choice of words. this story was missing something I can't quite put my finger on...I think it's originality. Is this going to be a series? anyway, keep it up.
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