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Comments for 'MC's Eyes part2' |
o
5:17 pm | October 23, 2003
go canada go canada
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o
5:15 pm | October 23, 2003
the poeple of usa are just dick sucker and grand mother fucker
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o
5:15 pm | October 23, 2003
the poeple of usa are just dick sucker and grand mother fucker
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o
5:15 pm | October 23, 2003
suck my dick
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Andrew_SPARTAN117
9:27 pm | October 19, 2003
why the hell are yall fighting some one e-mail me at andrew_rodgers117@hotmail.com
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Andrew_SPARTAN117
9:25 pm | October 19, 2003
halo freking kicks ass.
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what the red
3:05 pm | August 7, 2003
a cuse you a fucking blood this is west side cripps bicth come to the west side
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what the red
3:05 pm | August 7, 2003
a cuse you a fucking blood this is west side cripps bicth come to the west side
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smart ass
4:42 pm | August 6, 2003
a comon sense i fell you but dont be rude hahahahahah oh fuck it where is the GOD DAM SORYS AT HU I DONT NO WHERE TO GO HELP ME OUT COMMON SENSE PUNKASS BICTH!!!
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Matt
3:57 pm | April 29, 2003
Some of the things in your story do not fall in line with what really happened at Halo. For example, the Master Chief did not get captured, and Captian Keyes doesn't get killed by an Elite, he is "transformed into the Flood"(I wonder"have you even played halo through?!"
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Common Sense
1:37 am | April 16, 2003
If you don't want to see the comments eiher don't post the fanfics or don't read the comments, simple as that.
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Excalibur Spartan 117
8:58 pm | April 15, 2003
to Berconious: all i have to say is that i didnt even say it was a SPECIAL series ok so like what the hell was that for eh!
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Excalibur Spartan 117
8:45 pm | April 15, 2003
To my dear friends:Listne guys sorry for all the mistakes you seem to have with my writing ok. But i'm not looking for perfection all i'm writing these storys for is so that i can pass away the time so of course they arent all that great! I'm just messing aroud with these stoys and even i my self know that they arent that great with grammer and things like that, also my fight scenes arent that great eh well i'll make 'em better for you ok! Another thing my fight scenes arent all that great rigth now but if you want then i can make them bloody as hell if you want ok! ANYWAY NEVER MIND THE GOD DAMN GRAMMER JUST READ THE STORYS HOW'S THAT, YOU NAD I KNOW I DDINT PUT MUCH THOUGHT INTO THESE STORYS SO JUST FORGT THE MISTAKES OK!!!!!
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Berconius
7:30 pm | April 15, 2003
O Wado, where art thou?
Your story can use a REAL good check up, many portions, albeit not necesary, are poorly written. Your fight scenes are pretty shabby.
If you find Wado, he aught to be able to help you on what to do about your technical issues. Other than that, there isn't much. I hate to say it but your series isn't SPECIAL, but if you read around, you might find some patterns in plots that you may want to avoid.
I didn't mean to degrade your story, since I don't thing I could do better, but I would suggest letting your freinds proof read it for sketchness first before submitting.
Good luck to you... by the way, has ANY ONE seen Wado lately? He hasn't posted in weeks.
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James Kinsella
6:47 pm | April 15, 2003
[indent] tags! On top of that you have to start a new paragraph for a new speaker. The story was okay, Work a little harder on the next one.
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Red
5:29 pm | April 15, 2003
Well, the grammar in this one, one of the greater complaints of your first half of this, was still lacking. You don't seem to have much more than basic gramatical knowledge, that or you don't care to use it. One of the spots that annoyed me the most is early one when MC says, "hmmm, ect." to himself, generally you would write a sentence like this: Master Chief grinned, he knew he had gotten the finest Marines... It is implied that everything out of quotations is something that he did or thought to himself. Also, as for the title, I would call it Master Chief's Eyes Part 2. Note that I spelled the name out rather than using the slang for Master Chief, MC and I also capitalized the part2" in the Title and added a space between Part and 2.
I really don;t know how to help you, but you need to stop writing with such slang (outside of dialogue) and use formal writing styles slightly more effectivly, though, honestly, everything that was wrong with this was, or could be tied into grammar. The SERIES should be able to do well given that you cure this. The worst problems are generally tied into the STORY being that they are very hard to correct. I'll be expecting to see better grammar next time, or at least one of the things I mentioned here corrected.
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