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Comments for 'The Admiral, Chapter 1, Part 2' |
sephiroth ur WRONG
6:38 am | November 13, 2002
as my name clearly states sephiroth is WRONG in his saying that the author should write why theres only 449 men in the base instead of the 15 million that it can hold, because as u can see this is only chapter ONE of part TWO, he will probably explain it later, many great books give u a bit of detail at the start and near the end they give u the second half of it. And his style of writing may not be like the dude who wrote TFoR because thats probably who ur judging him by, the guy who wrote TFoR wrote quite frequently the characters thoughts, some other authors hardly write it at all, this would make a greeat book.the only criticism i have to give is the fact that "oh i nearly forgot, earth hasn't been glassed yet". this isn't something that someone would forget, this is there home planet, where humans first lived this is earth, it should of read something like this "they still haven't glassed earth yet, what are they waiting for, it has nothing to give" or does it??
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Sephiroth
11:19 pm | November 12, 2002
Good story, but if you shortened the dialogue a bit and added more of the main character's thought processes, and also a more detailed description of the base and what its purpose was, having 15 million men barracks while only housing 449, it would be much improved.
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Bruce
9:24 pm | November 11, 2002
Pretty good man
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ThreadedAce3
12:54 pm | November 11, 2002
Same here...but i can tell you to make your stories longer.
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saturn
7:29 am | November 11, 2002
i have a straw for a mouth. FOOD NIPPLE! grunty grape...yum. i dont mind the length too much but ya make the fans happy.
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Knightmare(mm
6:20 pm | November 10, 2002
Neither can i but i have a big mouth
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cool silverthorn
6:18 pm | November 10, 2002
well done, this is a good story but again it is abit short (Although i can't talk i've never written any story).
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