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Comments for 'Derailed Part 6' |
Dispraiser
8:44 pm | September 28, 2003
Hmmm... The steele one works... Mainevent would make a nice name, but the West's rifles are generally named in another language based off German.
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Steele
6:27 pm | September 28, 2003
What about a MSteeleA5B???
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Mainevent
5:31 pm | September 28, 2003
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH OOOOOOOOOHHHH Name one of the guns after me.....come on, the model-34 Mainevent
.........got a ring to it...*wink*
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Dispraiser
3:16 pm | September 28, 2003
The true Halo "Battle Rifle" would have an extra designation like M 248 or something. The one he is using is an older one, and customized for Lunar 4. On Lunar 4 250 years of fighting have created two distinct lines of weapons in the East and the West. The East uses range, and the West sheer firepower. Later in this story you should see some of the sheer firepower of the west.
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Mainevent
2:40 pm | September 28, 2003
That was after editing. I found several small spelling errors peppered throughout the book.
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Wiley
12:59 pm | September 28, 2003
Nice one. Oh, and the battle rifle is 9.95mm or somethin like that, not .223. Look on the side.
9.2/10
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Walker
3:27 am | September 28, 2003
Do you mean errors before or after they edited it? And speaking of the Fall of Reach, some idiots at school who like Halo and read the book complain that TFOR is stupid and boring. Apparently the intellectual thinking and the science fiction element were too much for them, when they were expecting another book about ground warfare, period. The tactical evaluations and amazing space battle sequences should have more than compensated for that, but, then again, some people are just so uncultured. Just thought I'd say that, because I've been itching to say it to someone who'd understand; my friends are smart enough but can't grasp the truth in the statement because they haven't read the book or aren't done with it. Anyway, I'd like to say again that this is one amazing series. Dispraiser rules.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Mainevent
3:12 am | September 28, 2003
LOL
You spelled rhythm wrong...
But as long as you keep your story readable, I could careless about the grammar and spelling errors. It's almost impossible to catch all of them with stories of this length.
Even The Fall of Reach had several spelling and grammar errors, and it had big time people checking it for mistakes.
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Sim McGaulkin
2:36 am | September 28, 2003
well...
you should try spelling perfection...
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Dispraiser
2:20 am | September 28, 2003
The abesence of errors is gramatical perfection. I understand that nothing is perfect, but I guess what I mean is the lack of errors. For example, Walker's comment has no flaws. None that I can find at least. It is possible that I can make my stories free of obvious errors, as it is possible for anyone to do so.
Perfect in rythm and grammar. Tense wise is contained within grammar, and is something I've never really had a hard time with (I hope...)
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Mainevent
1:53 am | September 28, 2003
Your story will never be perfect, as there is no such thing as perfection. Only one's ideals of perfection as they see it. Until you realise that, you will never be satisfied.
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Sim McGaulkin
1:42 am | September 28, 2003
That is a pretty lofty goal... Perfect as in the deliverance of story to the reader, or as in grammar and tense-wise?
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Dispraiser
1:08 am | September 28, 2003
Relativity is not as good as an absolute value, and I would much prefer my fanfics to BE perfect than to APPEAR perfect in relation with others.
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Sim McGaulkin
12:09 am | September 28, 2003
hmph...(snorts)
what do you mean "a stupid problem?"
compared to my story, this might have been written by Sigmund Freud...
Very cool story, by the way.
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Walker
10:26 pm | September 27, 2003
I agree with everyone else. This is an amazing story.
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monitor101
8:45 pm | September 27, 2003
Very good story Dispraiser!
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Mainevent
6:09 pm | September 27, 2003
Aww hell, as good as you write it was barely a nuisance. Trust me. I've read a lot, LOT, worse.
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Dispraiser
5:45 pm | September 27, 2003
It might be an easy mistake to make, but it is not forgivable. There's been a lot on my mind recently, I didn't think this would be affected, but if it could be at fault I should probably be a little more careful...
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Mainevent
4:42 pm | September 27, 2003
Yea, it can be pretty hard to keep from using a pronoun at the beginning of every sentence.
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Dispraiser
1:08 pm | September 27, 2003
Oops... That's a stupid problem, I should've caught that...
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Steele
2:20 am | September 27, 2003
I thought it was pretty good. There was one problem that persisted through the whole story. I know, because I have trouble with it to.
Every sentence seemed to start with, "I did this and I did that." When writing action, this is something very hard to avoid, but I've learned to explain things more.
Ex. I like to explain why the plasma bolts missed, or start a sentence with a verb or something.
Other than that problem, it was very good writing, like all your peices...
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