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Comments for 'The Last Chance Chapter for everything 1: The first move'



Mainevent
4:12 am | November 1, 2003
Other than florida and parts of texas i'm as deep south as you're gettin any time soon...
Walker
1:38 pm | October 30, 2003
MO is the south. It didn't secede but it had its own delegate to the Confederate Congress. Short of secession, that's as Southern as you can get.
Dispraiser
8:23 pm | October 29, 2003
Youu're probably right... I was thinking more of the inbred hicks though, who live in the "deep south". To me taht means two things, receded chin, and undereducation.

Of course, Michigan isn't too smart a state itself... 26th smartest if I remember right...
SOS.Odin
11:33 pm | October 28, 2003
im from MO...i talk like on of dem dere hick ppl...sometimes...sometimes ill talk like a new yorker...and other times i be a G...im a twizted kid ya know...but i wouldnt consider MO to be south...ya knaw mean
Dispraiser
12:38 pm | October 28, 2003
SAD! This story not only depressed me but blatantly OFFENDED me. It goes against everything I believe in, fanfic and non fanfic. This is the new contender for HIGHEST FLACKFIC SCORE EVER.

The reason? You don't give a damn. I was in a paragraph and already this fanfic was showing no sign of improvement, spelling errors, grammar errors, originality (where?), among many other things.

SPELLING ERRORS ARE FORSAKEN ON HBO! Everyone has Word, and if not they are damn good at spelling or revising, and even if you aren't there is no excuse for you to not to hand this off to a friend (assuming you can find some who can read) or a teacher. Try to find one who doesn't say Y'all.

This blatant piece of flackfic is a demonstration of the sewerlike conditions the deep south lives in.

Go work in "the factory" or improve your writing.

Sorry to be so mean, but you deserve it.

Flackfic of TEN. The HIGHEST POSSIBLE SCORE.
Alpha Lance
4:34 am | October 28, 2003
Hell man, I'm from the south, and we're not sewer like. Atleast us southerns know how to fight unlike the north, we'll kick your ass. Or like Stone cold Steve Austin would say, "if you want me to open a can of wup ass. Give me a O HELL YEAH!" LoL

I'm kiding man.
Mainevent
1:32 am | October 28, 2003
Aww hell naw, you done did something wrong thar Dispraiser. I'm from Alabama, and I will let you know one thing, I'm one of the smartest people here!!!

LOL

Naw, we got a good amount of smarties.....they're hidden under the garbage collectors.
Walker
1:07 am | October 28, 2003
The deep south is not an endless expanse of rural country and uneducated hicks... that would be Illinois you're thinking about.
SOS.Odin
11:53 am | October 26, 2003
umm...was that all a dream or somethin? i mean...pretty frickin hard to understand...and you do realize that there is no such thing as 5300 HRS right...i say u read some other ppls for a while...and just come up wit some original ideas and write with theirs as a guideline for ur story...take some serious comm arts classes in HS if you wanna keep writin kid...what grade u in neways...and listen to whatever walker and mainevent say...in my opinion theyre the best two who write for this site
Mainevent
3:54 am | October 26, 2003
Alright, Walker wants it, I'll give it.


(sick bastad, not like that)


Spelling? You don't have to use word to spell half of this right.

Echo 419 2? Foehammer 2? Right, they loved the two pelicans no one had probably ever heard of so much they named two others after them.

Don't use the number two-written as 2- especially after a name with numbers in it. EX: Echo 419 2


You gotten out of third grade yet?

If yes: Your teacher should be fired.
If no: You shouldn't be writing and submitting here.
If your dutch: SO THE FUCK WHAT???

Where is the plot?

They meet a captain who sends them to fight somewhere with some people who ambush them so predictably and with such an undescribable lack of detail I nearly bludgeoned my computer trying to figure out what was going on.

As walker said "Zdogg?"

I love the name, really, I do, but, I would have preferred Eminem 2 or Chingy Delux.

Characters, where?

I didn't see any. I saw a bunch of faceless "marines" fighting someone somewhere. ANd I read the whole story.

Read some others before you post again.

Authors I trust/reccommend:

Zephyr Wraith
Dispraiser
Nemesis
Hunter_Killer
Mainevent
Black Valkyrie
Elfster
Jillybean
Frensa Geran
Gladiatrrr3000
Wado
Walker


(if I left you out, sorry, I either forgot you, you don't post stories often, or something, I'm doing it off the top of my head.)

Seriously, we don't like reviewing stories we can't read.
Walker
3:18 am | October 26, 2003
Interesting title... did you mean "The Last Chance For Everything Chapter One: The First Move"?

Okay. The ending line was classic, and the kinda stuff you remember, but... it was pretty crappy, to tell you the truth. Tell me what pilot on this Earth would have a callsign like "Zdogg"? Sounds like a rappa. It was underdescriptive, the grammar sucked, and you didn't even introduce people. There are more than 3 Pelican pilots in the UNSC... by saying that Zdogg was a newcomer, you gave the impression that Foehammer was widely known, which made it seem as if she was one of the only Pelican flyers. At least that's how it seemed to me. That's the only outstanding mistake I could find, but I didn't really look hard, since I'm tired and my eyes have been fried by this stupid computer screen.

HBO seems dead lately. C'mon, people, let's land those reviews.

Semper Fi

-Walker


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