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Comments for 'Guardians of the Sanctum: (Part 01) -A New Foe-' |
Awacar
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
A ggod story, good indeed.
I especially like how you describe the feelings of the High Guard, but your battlescenes were good too.
Good work!
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BansheeBoy
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Thanks Awacar. Anyone else got any comments?
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romac1991
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Gorgeous details. I liked how you described the whole meditation thing and the Elites nervousness. LOL Anyways gorgeous writing and gorgeous story. Keep it up.
9.8/10
romac1991
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BansheeBoy
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
If you didn't know there is a prologue as well, if you havn't read it
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romac1991
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
dang son!
I read dat prologue and it was SOOO tight.
keep it up.
romac1991
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Nick Kang
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Better than the prologue! I love the way you described the nervousness of some of the people.
And 10 feet isn't towering above Hunters. They're 12 feet tall.
NK
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BansheeBoy
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Not in combat...
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Black Titan
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
That was awesome. I knew it would be after I read the prolouge.
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Sean
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Covenant vs Covenant= Kick ass.
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white grunt
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
great story as always BansheeBoy
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343 Salty Beans
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Excellent!
As always, though, I have a few things to point out.
Was all the italicized text necessary? I don't think their titles (if any, the High Prophet of Truth was the one that should be in italics) or dialogue should always be italicized. I think it's only supposed to be used for emphasis or ship names (like 'Truth and Reconciliation').
I'm reading and typing this at the same time, so expect my comments to seem broken up.
Are grunts really majestic? :) Just wondering.
A few punctuational errors, but you made up for it with your grammar.
I really, really, liked this one. The beginning scene with the High Prophet and High Guard was awesome. I loved how you captured the tension between the Prophets and Elites (that Bungie described in their article about Covenant hierarchy). That was probably what I noticed most. The battle scenes were good too.
Great Work.
343SB
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BansheeBoy
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Thanks everyone for your comments especially 343SB. I italized the dialogue cos I just like it. And I thought a grunt diving away majestically from plasma sounded funny. I don't know if that makes you happy, but mah.
The next one may take a while to come as I need to keep the quality up. Thanks again everyone.
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BansheeBoy
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Are units Covenant minutes?
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Nick Kang
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Yeah, Units=Minutes.
Cycles=Hours.
And I just noticed something about the story. Plasma Grenades don't stick to Jackals' energy shields. If they did, that would make Legendary SO much easier. Many a time have I been gunned down by Jackals when my grenade had bounced off their shields.
NK
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BansheeBoy
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Thanks Nick. I'll also try and patch up those small mistakes for the next one
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MC's Cousin
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Pretty good...yeah, I'll stick with that.
Your descriptions were really good in most places. You could have expanded here and not so much there, but overall it was fine.
You need to start capitilizing all the races like "Elites".
Also, I thought Prophets sat with those grav. belt things. Perhaps he was above the throne?
Signing Off
MCC
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Nick Kang
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Well the purpose of meditation is to clear your mind. When most people meditate, they don't hum, unless they're extremely psychotic. You can't clear your mind while humming. Which brings me to my next point, you can't meditate if you're bobbing up and down inside a hover chair. And such a hover chair os bound to make noise, so it would be difficult to clear your mind. Therefore, the Prophet would have to meditate on a giant throne.
NK
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romac1991
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Good god Nick!,
The Prophet is the friggin Prophet of Truth, the high prophet. That motherfucker is probaly so psychic he can choose if he wants to hear the noises or not. And that is mediatation how humans do it. Humans aren't that good compared to prophets because they seem to have mastered the whole thing.
romac1991
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Nick Kang
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Wow, you went a little psychotic on me there...
NK
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Helljumper
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
yea i liked this story, the details were good. I love the humming part,and how the Elite was scared when he went to see the Prophet. Good one
ODST
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SeverianofUrth
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
The purpose of meditation isn't to clear your mind, Nick. It's to appear mystic, so that people will be awed and become your disciples, or to get people to toss money in the begging bowl.
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Snowy_Duck
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
great story, not many people write so much about feelings, keep that up about what people are thinking. and keep describing the battle scene tatics, it's way better then saying how someone just kills another person and then dies. the tatics are the interesting part.
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Dari
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Excellent detail and an interesting story, keep it up! I especially enjoyed the High Guard. Maybe later you could show the tension between the Commander and the Brutes? Anyway, great story.
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BansheeBoy
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Thanks Dari. The purpose of this series is to mainly show that there is a mini war between every member of the covenant. The beginning of each part will have a physical or mental meeting between two charactars, one weaker one stronger.
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