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Comments for 'The cruiser' |
retardedmonkey
11:46 pm | February 26, 2004
why did some of you like the last line?
you were finished?
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The Dude
12:42 pm | February 25, 2004
i agree with helljumper but i think it was very poor looks like you only have a high school diploma
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Nick Kang
2:55 am | February 25, 2004
I see you actually capitalized this time, and put quotes too. God job.
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Sage Scorpion
1:41 am | February 25, 2004
Uh, pal, it looks more like a 5th grade wrote it, and that's being generous. For comparison, look at a newspaper. Those are written on a 6th grade level, so that less literate people can read them. When you can start using the vocabulary, grammar, sentence structure, and overall look of a newspaper-esque story, then you know that you are getting somewhere.
As for your problem in adding indentations, I recommend writing your story on a Word or Appleworks document, and then copy/paste it to the submission form. Afterwards, go and apply the "code" that CoLd gave you.
And by the way, you claim to be in 8th grade? Dude, stop kidding yourself. You aren't, and let's leave it at that. I couldn't say anything more without being insulting. I'm a freshman in High School, and it was not so long ago that I was an 8th grader. I'm no child English prodigy, either, so that should give you an idea of where you stand know.
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retardedmonkey
1:39 am | February 25, 2004
what about like an 8th grader wrote it?
im in 8th grade
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retardedmonkey
11:32 pm | February 24, 2004
when i try to indent it just jumps down to the post button
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MC's Cousin
12:53 pm | February 24, 2004
An improvement. But you still leave a lot to be desired. A WHOLE lot. But keep trying, and yes you get an A for effort. But it still basically sucked monkeys. You need use the CODE. Keep trying.
Signing Off
MCC
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CoLd BlooDed
12:20 pm | February 24, 2004
Don't know what planet Halo_2204 is on...
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Sage Scorpion
5:39 am | February 24, 2004
Uh, dude, this sucked too. But it was better than the last ones. Much. But you need to work on punctuation and grammar, particularly run-on sentences and verb tenses. Those are important.
And really man, the title: 'The cruiser'? Too vague and bland. Spice it up, add some literary devices.
And it would be 'The Cruiser'. All words in the title are capitalized except for articles: a, an, and, the, of, etc. And sometimes those are capitalized, like if they are the beginning of the title, or following a colon. I know that you may be young, but you have to have learned about this some already.
And good for you for being young and still taking a stab at writing, even though your first 2 stories got TERRIBLE reviews. That shows commitment and perserverance. And you listened to constructive criticism and improved. Bravo. Bravo indeed.
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CoLd BlooDed
3:54 am | February 24, 2004
Ok retarded, this is the code.
[indent]-Well...basically to indent the paragraphs.
[i]....[/i]-This is to italicize, type the "[i]" then the word and then end it with the "[/i]".
[b]....[/b]-This is to make a letter or paragraph bold, same thing for how you italicize.
[hr]-this stands for horizontal rule, its basically seperates the parts of your story.
Did I forget anything...no, I don't think so, except use the code, it makes the story at least LOOK nice.
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retardedmonkey
1:41 am | February 24, 2004
please tell me the "code"
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retardedmonkey
11:55 pm | February 23, 2004
thanks guys...it wasnt a poem lol and the next will be a series so i can show more details ;-)
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Tank
9:26 pm | February 23, 2004
Had a look at the comments on your last story, at least you were grown up enough to take it on board and improve!
10/10 for effort!!
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Helljumper
8:28 pm | February 23, 2004
The action was good, but it moved to fast, and there was no details with the characters so i really didn't care about them. Second, Hunters shouldn't be that easy to kill, all the Covenant would protect the Phophet with their lives, not let a marine stick a plasma grenade to his head. Those two squads of marines should have easily been killed, its not like they are Helljumpers or something. Lastly, this is alien techonology here, i don't think normal marines could just take over a covenant ship and kill off the crew and fly it themselves. But thats just me
ODST
First to rise, last to fall
Helljumpers do it all
Feet first into Hell
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Dark-NiTe
12:42 pm | February 23, 2004
Jumbled, but an improvement on your past works.
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IAmDelta
5:17 am | February 23, 2004
As already said, an improvement on past works. I don't know about others, but combat scenes don't do much for me unless I actually care about the characters in them. Its kind of thick. Probably fun to write, but not necessarily to read. Just a thought. Keep improving.
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Halo_2204
4:16 am | February 23, 2004
Hey. I liked the poem. It was really catchy, especially the last line. We should all go kick some ass!
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Halo_2204
4:16 am | February 23, 2004
Hey. I liked the poem. It was really catchy, especially the last line. We should all go kick some ass!
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FOrunnER
2:15 am | February 23, 2004
I can actually read it ;)
Good job
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CoLd BlooDed
11:24 pm | February 22, 2004
You still have quite a bit of grammar, etc. to work on. It was decent. Not great.
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retardedmonkey
11:24 pm | February 22, 2004
so i did something right this time? :-)
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blind_snowman
11:21 pm | February 22, 2004
Wow, that was alright.
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blind_snowman
11:21 pm | February 22, 2004
*alright*
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