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Comments for 'The Fight for Bravo Base; pt. 2- The Attack Begins' |
FOrunnER
11:51 am | September 15, 2003
Good story, especially for a new writer. You're a begginer, and that story was around midcard status. You have potential, the only thing I ask is you check out my series ONI_operative_343.
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hornet34
7:21 pm | September 12, 2003
Very good, especially for a first-timer. No major criticisms, but I wanted to say that you didn't really need to state the charge of the second plasma gun. Just saying that the private not checking it was a mistake he'd later regret was enough.
So, if thats the only thing I can really criticise, you know you've written a nice story. Keep it coming.
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ONI_operative_343
6:05 pm | September 12, 2003
Sergeant B,
I want to thank u for the constructive criticism. I hope more people will leave me comments to help make my writing better, since this is my first time submitting a series, or any FANFIC for that matter. I also want to apologize for the Star Wars reference. I hope that didn't upset anyone too much; it won't happen again; but i do have a question- should i leave Bravo Base on Yavin II, or should it be changed? Also note, however, that the series name is (sadly)... Yavin II. Once again, I'm sorry.
keep the comments coming and thanks for the support!
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Sergeant B
7:08 pm | September 11, 2003
Very good, very good. I love it. Very few(or none. didn't check) spelling or grammar errors. It had alot of detail and description in it. But the 2 things that bothered me was that ONE:You start new paragraphes to soon(torward the end) and TWO:Please don't use names from Star Wars. Yavin II is a very bad name to use in any Halo FANFIC. This is a Bungie Game, not a Lucasarts game. 9/10. GOOD LUCK.
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