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Comments for 'Battle for the library' |
CoLd BlooDed
4:25 am | February 12, 2004
Yeah, thats what I should of said, heh. Just this is stuff that shouldn't be posted on HBO...
But I recommend that you write your story in Word or some other writing program first, then copy and paste into the submission box. Then use the code from there, and your story will at least LOOK good.
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Awacar
8:46 am | February 11, 2004
Okay, time for some of that constructive critics that every author needs.
First: "signall" what you're going to do, ex. put quotation marks on peoples lines, and use punctuation where you think that your sentences should end. Also, use capitalized characters in the start of sentences. This is basic use of sense. People dont like to find out where that sentence ends, they want to now it INSTANTLY!
Second: Space your story! Whenever there's a new speaker, big change of time, or a major event takes place you should make a new paragraph, first by hitting return, and then type [indent]. All of this will make your story a little easier to read, and some textless spaces is preferable for your eyes, too. People don't read stories if that means aching eyes five minutes later.
Third: Think reasonably about the things you write, how would the monitor be able to build a Halo in orbit around EARTH? Wonder... Some ppl must have seen it, and when you have the technology to travel in slipspace, you would definately be able to travel to that thing before it's finished. Best would be if you red the Halo books, elseway, take a DEEP dive in the game, and look for details, check level transcripts and common story discussionon the web, etc. Undesigned was foolish enough to don't do any of this exept the game dive before writing. And, one or two minor mistakes here=no mistakes, specially if you have a good written, well described story with a quite good storyline. But with all of these flaws that are in your story, the storyline was found ridiculous (spelt that wrong, didn't I?) sometimes.
Fourth: Take use of the pseduocode, it is found in the Directions for use link, at the bottom of it.
-Awacar
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CoLd BlooDed
4:12 am | February 11, 2004
Holy shit it was one huge ass paragraph! I didn't bother reading this shit, you can tell when something is well written. This is not an exception in any way.
Make it better, much better. And don't spaz on the critics, I hate that.
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Hawk7886
11:28 pm | February 10, 2004
Erm, no. Seriously, no.
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PBP
6:04 pm | February 10, 2004
Ahhhhhhhhh....
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MC's cousin
2:44 pm | February 10, 2004
Well id' hate to pu judgement on you.....well, no I wouldn't. I'll be honest, THAT SUCKED. It could have been good though. Two things that we like in a story. Punctuation and a good storyline, two things you lack. All you did was screw up a good part of Halo: The Flood (or : Combat Evolved for the game.) Dont make that big of a screw up again.
Signing Off
MCC
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Awacar
11:39 am | February 10, 2004
How could one forget to capitalize the first character of a new sentence? Wonder...
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Justinvp@comcast.net
1:16 am | February 10, 2004
Dude.. that hurts. How can u forget the punctuation?
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Owlbuster
6:11 pm | February 9, 2004
Owwwwww... How am I supposed to read this one, no formatting, reminds me of that terminal in Marathon, though!
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