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Comments for 'Halo: The Legacy of the Spartan IIIs Chapter 1: The Unexpected Truth' |
masterchief15/ daniel luiken
6:33 pm | February 5, 2003
HEY YOU TOOK MY NAME FOR A SHIP. I was the one who used the UNSC ABRAHAM LINCOLN first. so I would greatly appreciate it if you could have blown up. No i'm kidding but that was harsh dude.
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Mutated Elite
12:24 pm | January 13, 2003
That wasn't even kyle. I called him the other night telling him about it but he said he couldn't've done it because HE GOT BANNED BACK IN OCTOBER PPLS!!!!!
I've made my point.
--Mutated 3lite
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Dispraiser
5:19 am | January 7, 2003
Also, long title...
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Dispraiser
5:15 am | January 7, 2003
Kyle is mean. I didn't read this one because of the way he treated that other fanfic (something along the lines of leaving 343 or something...). Sorry Mutated Elite, maybe I'll read it later, but don't be mean Kyle.
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Knightmare(MM
10:14 am | January 4, 2003
Unless Kyle IS mutated... hmm..
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Knightmare(MM
10:11 am | January 4, 2003
Might I add that Kyle helped write too? e.e
Give the guy credit, people...
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Mutated Elite
2:53 am | January 4, 2003
Thanx HK
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Hunterkilla
2:42 am | January 4, 2003
Nice job Mutated just fix it up a bit and indent.
Add a little more detail and explaun the first paragraph a little better......justa bit but so far its really good. keep e'm coming.
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Mutated Elite
7:21 pm | January 3, 2003
BTW me is working on a new first-person mini-series where a marine has to defend a UNSC outpost harboring the SpartanIIIs against covenant forces. So far it's going pretty good ;)
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Mutated Elite
3:56 pm | January 3, 2003
Wow... good point.
I'll improve on that in the next chapter.
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Wado
5:48 am | January 3, 2003
Wado is here somewhere? Thanks Knightmare (he pointed out that the author wanted me to read this story).
Let's see. Mutated Elite and Kyle, I agree mostly with Hikaru-119 comments about the story.
In addition, I think the best part about the story was the last third of it. The action really moved and the conversation was appropriate for the situation. I really got into the ending.
If you want suggestions on how to improve, the first two thirds of the story could have been written better by adding a bit of anticipation. For example, I really didn't know how the captain knew that the Covenant were going to board the ship (do they always do that?). Maybe you could have added a bit about how the AI was worried the Covenant would board the ship since that tactic has worked for them before against UNSC ships... but of course not UNSC ships that had Spartans aboard.
Just some thoughts, keep writing and take care.
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Mutated Elite
4:43 am | January 3, 2003
Thanx Hikaru.
BTW where's Wado to rate my story?
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Hikaru-119
4:16 am | January 3, 2003
After seeing the poor critics' responses I will be more construtive. First off fascinating idea with the Covenant. Secondly you need to learn how to write a paragraph. There should be an indent seperating them. Other than that interseting story. I'll read the rest when it comes up.
Also anybody who reads this read my fan fic.
HALO:Missing In Action
Also my upcoming fan fic trilogy.
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Mutated Elite
3:58 am | January 3, 2003
lol thanx knightmare
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Knightmare(MM
10:03 pm | January 2, 2003
Yo, ladies! Simmer down!
To correct your pin-point little ass anonymous, Covenant swearing to go down to the last soldier is NOT something you learn in history class, its a moral code. An Ethic. Who the hell knows what the Covenant are thinking? Maybe some have more HONOR than others.
Alright 'Pilot 415', whoever you are, if you don't have anything constructive to say, don't say it at all.
Sarge, Mutated elite... You two rock.
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Mutated Elite
9:51 pm | January 2, 2003
Well, anyone else have suggestions?
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Mutated Elite
7:39 pm | January 2, 2003
How come everyone criticizes our stories and no one elses?
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Mutated Elite
7:00 pm | January 2, 2003
whatever
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Sarge
6:56 pm | January 2, 2003
Please do you have reason to flame him? While it might not be an important detail to you it is nontheless correct. However, if you try hard enough you can probably find a loop-hole. Plus the military has mutinys and stuff like that all the time... so... your choice elite.
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Mutated Elite
5:59 pm | January 2, 2003
Why dont you STF up anonymous...it doesn't matter if it's historically inaccurate unless you're a history professor...which, you aren't.
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Anonymous
5:44 pm | January 2, 2003
historcaly inacurate the covenant have sworn to go down to the last soldier in the destruction of humans.
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Pilot 415
5:44 pm | January 2, 2003
????? what the hell????
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Mutated Elite
5:42 pm | January 2, 2003
WADO? Any thoughts on improvement?
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Mutated Elite
5:41 pm | January 2, 2003
Anybody Else wanna say anything?
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Mutated Elite
5:30 pm | January 2, 2003
LOL just don't say anything
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Sarge
2:32 pm | January 2, 2003
Um...okay...not sure what to say.
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