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Comments for 'Earth Under Fire' |
MasterGrunt
8:38 pm | October 12, 2003
Not trying to dis you like everyone lese is but your story went to fast.
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Anonymous
9:27 pm | October 9, 2003
THAT WAS JUST PLAIN BULLSHIT...DONT' YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN USE SOME GRAMMAR!??!?!?!?
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Dispraiser
7:33 pm | October 8, 2003
I was hoping you'd learned from something I'd said before. Six Elites with battle scars? Well, you forgot to capitalize Elites and to further demonize them.
"Look out behind the Prophet!" someone shouted.
The Master Chief looked up tos ee his glare returned by a apck of a half dozen Grey Elites. The graphite-colored armor gleamed in the dim light of the room. Most of their bodies were covered in armor, but one of the especially menacing onces still had a dozen battle scars showing. THe Master Chief frowned, he much prefered blue to grey.
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Awesomedudeman
1:37 pm | October 8, 2003
Dude, the dialogue sucks badly, it sounds so impersonal and each sentence of dialogue is it's own paragraph, no matter how short it is. You have about 8 pieces of dialogue on one paragraph. This looks bad and sounds worse. Your punctuation and grammar are terrible, but the story isn't bad, just the way that you wrote it.
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Awesomedudeman
1:37 pm | October 8, 2003
Dude, the dialogue sucks badly, it sounds so impersonal and each sentence of dialogue is it's own paragraph, no matter how short it is. You have about 8 pieces of dialogue on one paragraph. This looks bad and sounds worse. Your punctuation and grammar are terrible, but the story isn't bad, just the way that you wrote it.
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umm???
1:23 pm | October 8, 2003
Lots of run on sentences, and check your writing.
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