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Comments for 'Halo Heaven: Chapter 1: The Story of the Surviving Spartan IIs' |
Nick Kang
12:25 am | April 1, 2004
Wait so lemme get this straight. Sir Cloud was born on the ninth day of the eighteenth month of the year 1981? Sorry bud, but Halo takes place in 2552. 'Sir Cloud' would have been struggling to lift an M6D. Let alon cope with the recoil of firing it.
As for the n00b and newb thing, I may not be a newbie(as far as I know...), but I am 12 years old, and my writing is pretty good by everyone's standards(just check the comments for Operation: Stingray). I'm just sayin, don;t underestimate young writers.
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Author
2:19 am | March 23, 2004
Im not a plagerizer, like i said, i had no part in makin of those names. Neva even played final fantasy! Got me!
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David Li
1:45 am | March 23, 2004
30% BE CREATIVE ABOUT THE CHARACTERS PLAGIARIZER AND GO TO GRAMMAR CLASS. Now for the good comments. You did an okay job on the new Halo 2 covenant species.
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Author
1:23 am | March 23, 2004
What are u taklin bout switchin from first to third person, u dont know what ur talkin bout do u? And for the ripping off, I dont know what ur tlakin bout. I didnt do that, their are some co writers that helped write some places in exchange for their characters in the game so thats their name, if they ripped off final fantasy their prob not mine
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Lord Spark
8:24 pm | March 22, 2004
You just ripped of the character names from Final Fantasy 7 didn't you. Sir Cloud, Barret, Red. You have disgraced the good name of FF7. Shame on you.
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Helljumper
2:44 pm | March 22, 2004
forget the bs, its sucked, u kept changing from first person to third person and it was confusing. gammar could have been better adn there were no details. but thats just my opinion. glad to see everyone is back. what up coLd
ODST
First to rise, last to fall
Helljumpers do it all
Feet first into Hell
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A.P.N JJiggssaw
12:56 pm | March 22, 2004
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
n00b in7asion. U have to admit, us n00bs (the young ones anyway) are the new generation of fan fic writers. Just because in the summer we will be blown away by the competition doesn't mean we won't be back to haunt you in the winter (mwuh ha ha ha).
Anyway, the story. If I was MCC, I would say the bridge wasn't going anywhere. I'm not, so I won't. Your grammar needs fixing, your sentences need a little something to spruce them up. Look at each sentence and decide if it is either funny, exciting, or imperative to the plot. Take out the ones that dont seem to fit. I like to call this virtual febreeze. Besides that, your ideas aren't bad, so keep it up.
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Halo Heaven
12:47 pm | March 22, 2004
New people will come soon enough! Im srry its not nobel price winning, but ya know im workin on it. It will be prolly, lol. MAYBE, atleast i thought it was good.
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CoLd BlooDed
2:01 am | March 22, 2004
We didn't say it wasn't good, but we didn't say it was perfect either. Everyone (refering to FF authors) has something to improve on.
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someone again again....
11:33 pm | March 21, 2004
haha lol.
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someone again....
11:32 pm | March 21, 2004
Halo2: The Covenant Wars [part 2]. read it. =:)
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CoLd BlooDed
10:47 pm | March 21, 2004
Okay, I read it, and I have some suggestions:
First, the first section started with "Sir Cloud" every paragraph, that was annoying and repetitive, please work on that.
Second, your grammar is good, but could use some improvement. I saw in this story places where commas and periods shouldn't have been and places where they should've.
Third, you used the code, good, but in some places it wasn't (or was, just in a different way) put together properly.
Overall, I liked it, more character development would be good in an RPG like this.
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CoLd BlooDed
10:18 pm | March 21, 2004
Hey man, I might not be on B.Net for a bit because my account was hacked...
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Justin -- Hell Starter
9:33 pm | March 21, 2004
Hey, Cold Blooded, this is Hell Starter from your bungie chapter, lol. I may be a newb here but hey i got some good stories.
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CoLd BlooDed
9:27 pm | March 21, 2004
Thank god the fan fiction is back up, but it's been invaded with n00bs and newbs!
I need to get my story in, but I first need to get another hotmail account because my other one was hacked because Hawk has my next chapter. Damn you hackers!
I'll get reading...
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Sterfrye36
7:12 pm | March 21, 2004
Maybe once he gets rid of post-Christmas finals brain clog. Who knows. Oh, and Shade, the next Norah part is about one page back. Yep, that's part fifteen!
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Pooman
4:27 pm | March 21, 2004
I liked it! 8.5/10. When is Agent_Shade gonna write again?
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Yeah.
1:07 pm | March 21, 2004
Crappy character name, too.
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Thomas Harper
12:44 pm | March 21, 2004
welcome back everyone. =:)
one thing i saw before i even started reading ur story was that at the beginning of each paragraph pretty much u used "Sir Cloud" just about every time.
at first i didnt think that it was going to effect the story at all but when i started to read it it sounded dull because like every 2 secdonds there was "Sir Cloud" again. but other than that and some punturation and what Adgent Shade said. Keep it up.
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iknowwhoyouare
9:49 am | March 21, 2004
if all the boys were fish and chips
wouldn't girls have greasy lips?
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Agent Shade
6:31 am | March 21, 2004
hehe, hey Steele...the good writers are still here. by the way, this story wasn't half bad, good starter one...could use some touch up, like "the Earth defeated the Covenant from invading Earth, their home planet"
just watch sentence structres and make a new paragraph when someone new talks
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Hell Starter
5:01 am | March 21, 2004
I dont know, Where do u live?
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Hell Starter
5:01 am | March 21, 2004
I dont know, Where do u live?
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Steele
4:48 am | March 21, 2004
You know, I know a Justin Harrison who is a Halo Freak, but I doubt this is him. Is it?
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Steele
4:48 am | March 21, 2004
And where is everbody? I haven't been here in a while and it looks like a noob invasion.
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