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Comments for 'Fallen Angel 12: Invaders' |
Big Kitty
12:21 am | April 19, 2003
9:28 pm|April 17,2003
This story is very very immaginitive, but I did notice a few grammatical errors such as the fact that there were a few run on sentances, and also that you don't seem to capitalize the word Covenant. i have also noticed that you [most of the time] don't use question marks at all. But I've got three words for ya, keep it up!
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gruntkiller
7:21 pm | April 16, 2003
actualy he's getting a bit more credit then he deserves he sorta abbandoned me leaving me t do the whole thing myself after the first few chapters. most of it was my idea anyways the main contribution of covert was the idea of Sam being alive and being a covenant general
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el_halo_diablo
4:08 pm | April 16, 2003
muahahaha, I see where this is going and I like it! You and Covert started this story strong, and you're still holding it. BTW Covert has done more than just give you the main stucture of the first part of the series right?
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gruntkiller
7:48 pm | April 15, 2003
thanks ill spend more time in the future on the smaller stuff there are about 6 more chapters left i which im hoping to make an epic, the aliens are more then what anybody thinks they are thats all i can say for now.
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James Kinsella
6:43 pm | April 15, 2003
This story a little sobering for us humans. We have spent most of our time writing about how the humans beat off the Covenant, but you seem to have taken it in another direction entirely. I thought it was a good story. It had a few grammatical errors and some of the sentences were run on, but it was good overall.
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Dispraiser
5:42 pm | April 15, 2003
I see common mistakes here and uncommon attempts. I see that you made one notable error (waked) in the dialogue early on. Normally a person would be a little odd to talk like that (I believe it is awoken), but I unsderstand what you are trying to do. You are trying to assume the vernacular of another being which is often (or actually always) very hard. You have to change everyhing you know about the ways of speech to do so. Honestly I was impressed by that almost expecting the thing to yell "What up g dog! We're horrible and formal aliens and we want to have some dialogue with ya!" Good to see someone recognizes that difference.
However, your vernacular is a little lacking. I have noticed that (can't remember exactly what you said, giant or huge or something) when describing the flagship you resorted to a very plain word, bg or huge or something. Describing it with more elaborate words would help to establish a more majestic view of it. I also noticed that there were some basic and easily corrected gramatical errors in this one, namely the capitalization of more words like Covenant.
Overall I see this story as growing, and doing a good job, but it also seems to be missing some of its potency in regards to speech and adverbs. I will not give anything a grade, but I can say this... Keep it up.
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