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Comments for 'Outlaw, Chapter 4' |
Wado
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Keep writing CC. I just try to give comments that can help make a piece of writing better. Going back and fixing stories is a good thing but when might we get a new post from you? I like some of your ideas-- just remember that nobody posts perfect stuff, especially the first time through. The trick is to try to make future chapters better based on the comments on chapters already posted.
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CC
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
If by appropriate you mean "All newbies give up after their next story, WHY WON"T YOU? I hate you for that!" you will be included in the list under the People I Ignored section.Wado, this part is mainly for you, i took the time to read you reply on Outlaw's personal foot locker. This is just where our fighting men keep their personal equipment, not everyone has all those explosives in there, just our hero because as i've said, hes the Demo Man. In Switchblades foot locker you'd find two pistols and a rifle, in Boomer's a shotgun, MA5B, 4 grenades, Jenkins would have his lap top(for hacking) and an MA5B etc...
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CC
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
If by appropriate you mean "All newbies give up after their next story, WHY WON"T YOU? I hate you for that!" you will be included in the list under the People I Ignored section.Wado, this part is mainly for you, i took the time to read you reply on Outlaw's personal foot locker. This is just where our fighting men keep their personal equipment, not everyone has all those explosives in there, just our hero because as i've said, hes the Demo Man. In Switchblades foot locker you'd find two pistols and a rifle, in Boomer's a shotgun, MA5B, 4 grenades, Jenkins would have his lap top(for hacking) and an MA5B etc...
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Anonymous
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Good... so have you seen my um... "appropriate" feedback yet?
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CC
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Ah yes, one more news byte.Due to the large response my story has been getting, i'm going to make a final edit of sorts, one large document emailed to anyone who asks. I will (HOPEFULLY) clear up most grammar, spelling, and story mistakes, including the recovery time of our two heroes. This will also be of interest to anyone who wants a rather large fight at the Armory, or the last few moments of the three dead marines next to the three dead jackals.You heard right, final edit, firefight at the armory with crates of ammo going off and explosions everywhere. They'll also find *something* behind a blown up wall.
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CC
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Confused by the last paragraph were you? Good, that was meant to set up the next chapter, all will become clear.For a brief explanation, Camp Hatchcock, where our story takes place, is an actual location in TFOR, a secret base of sorts that runs miles underground. Our little group here is the last surviving group of humans, after reach was glassed. But some Covenant made it under ground(pretty ruthless glassing a planet with your troops on it eh?) and are now in something of a trenchwar with the adjoining human base.
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Wado
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Man, sorry about the bold, I made a boo boo.
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Wado
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Ace488, the Fall of Reach is available in bookstores or try Amazon.com.So Chris, this story was good and sorry to hear about your wrist. The details of recovering from injury were done nicely and I thought put into perspective nicely for hundreds of years in our future. Nice job.I didn't see any real problems with the story, maybe check the grammar a bit and I believe G as in one gravity is just G or g but not gee. The last paragraph of the story was the only thing I had problems with though. I must have read the thing a dozen times and it still didn't make sense to me...sorry. Please clarify.
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Ace488
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Does Anyone know where i can read the fall of reach?
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cool silverthorn
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Nice work, i really enjoy the stories you are doing, keep it up and finish the next part soon, cos if you don't........
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Lightning
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Very good story i like it a lot. But one of the things that bugged me was how outlaw went from being a normal marine into a spartin in a very short time, and without much work. It would have been interesting to see a chapter where he came across the suits instead of the doctor. Veery good story keep it up
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Garret
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Combined effects of the augmentation, faster healing. I'm trying to be as close to the science in The Fall Of Reach as possible.
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Sarge
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
"Ok, let's get this thing off already." Outlaw grumbled once a gain. For some reason that sentence reminds me of laundry.
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ThreadedAce3
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
I thought that it was a good story, definitly can make an excellent storyline out of this. my question is how come all of a sudden Outlaw could jump and touch the ceiling when a few days before he couldnt hardly even walk?
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Garret
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
So this is what happens when we hit submit twice.
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Chris Cassani
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Thank you for all the feedback guys its much appreciated.The slight confusion in previous chapters on our locale was quite intentional, i like to make people guess.As for typos, the 6'4" 125 mainly, that was an accident, good catch, thank you.The "uneventful" trip to the armory could have had a huge fight with lots of big guns and explosions but i was fairly tired, if i could go back and re-submit a previous chapter i would. Maybe with Wu's permission, heh.In the last chapter i'm going to make a special authors note thanking anyone who has written a fanfic that i loved and modeled my writing style somewhat after,or who has actually given constructive comments here or in my so-far-vacant inbox(editing, grammar, typos, the like).As for you "Knightmare" and your spaces between paragraphs issue... as the Russian marines would say... Tough Shitzky.So you guys don't have to type out my formal name simply refer to me as my nickname Garret from now on. The first person to guess the game this comes from gets a very special spot in the special final authors note.
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Chris Cassani
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
OK guys, i appreciate all the feedback. You can use the email to but now that i've actually found the comments section(man i'm an idiot huh?), we can use this. A few points to clear up... the somewhat muddy confusion on where the locale is was quite intentional and i've cleared it up. The uneventful trip to the armory was mainly padding, i wasn't feeling very energetic that night. And the 6'4" 125 pounds was in fact a typo, i did mean 225.Thank you once again, special thanks to you Gruntkiller for your compliments, i'm going to be thanking everyone who has made a fanfic that i loved and modeled myself after, or who has actually made a constructive comment(editing, story clarification,grammar, etc...), in a special authors note in the last chapter.
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