Grunt Foo Chapter 1A: The Food Nipple
Posted By: Rogue Elite<covenant_elite_mwuhahaha@hotmail.com>
Date: 26 April 2004, 8:24 AM
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Comment of the creators/ characters: This is a series of chapters written from a Grunt's point of view- designed by a team of Grunts, an Elite and an AI known as Dero Mofo. We hope you enjoy this spac-tacualr series! P.S- we enjoy food. A lot.
Chapter 1: The Food Nipple
Gibble was nervous. He was a new recruit just like the rest of the platoon of Grunts on The Electra, a Covenant Battle Cruiser; this was the first real star-ship they had ever been on (although rumours said that it wasn't quite finished on the inside). It was a very strange place for a Grunt; even the Food Nipple brought little comfort in the strange environment- but Gibble was still looking forward to eating none-the-less.
Gibble wore orange armour (the older style) like most of the other Grunts on board. There were a few who wore red armour- an indication of their 'higher' rank; although none of the other Grunts really treated them like their superiors; it was more of a case of Grunts who may be a possible leader in the future, if they are not dead within a year or two of joining.
There were two distinct designs of environment suits the Grunts wore that could be distinguished: there was the older design where the methane tank stuck up and out from the back and a diaper-shaped breathing mask (imagine a nappy; if you made it more leg-hole and less diaper, then it would be an almost exact match- except the fact the masks are metal and have ear phones and a mouth piece). The newer model is a much more 'flash' version- the methane tank curls up as it empties (it looks like a prawn growing off the back of a Grunt); the mask, instead of having a band which went right over the skull, stops short about one third of the way and has eye-brow armour. The newer version is much more dynamic, but just as much of a burden as the older model and is just as likely to randomly explode.
It was breakfast aboard the Electra and slop was flying everywhere (processed meat and condensed Ood milk to be precise). Elites, Hunters, Jackles and Grunts all ate in the same Mess Hall- which was quite unusual for a battle cruiser. It was a recipe for disaster (excuse the pun [and the brackets in almost every sentence]) and generally the largest bitch-sessions in history could often be witnessed live if the conditions were just right (ranging from a chilly stare to hot temperaments and deathly gestures; sometimes even a few of the spectators get K.Od). But what could Grunts expect when VIP suits took up at least twenty percent of the ship's space? (Thus far, this is only another rumour the disgruntled Grunts have heard).
Gibble walked over to the Food Nipple with three of his closest comrades. There was Zepha, a male grunt in who was dense even for a Grunt and once ate a fresh animal poop thinking it was chocolate mousse commenting that it "tasted like girl lip cream". This brings us to the feminist of the group, Nibs. She is the only one of the four who wears red armour (old-style), and is slightly more 'in-tee-lec-tual' than the average Grunt. Waziz, who is stuck between being an idiot and being half-smart generally is thus called the smart ass of the group according to the home made Grunt Scale of Intelligence- he too wears orange armour. Although the lucky Hooji managed to get himself the new flash model by bribing the recruiting officer with a small 'token' (or in other words a month's pay) he had pilfered from an unlucky Grunt's belongings.
'H-hey Gibble, what do you think the Food Nipple's gonna serve us today?' Zepha asked excitedly, unconsciously flaying his tray around wildly and almost sconing Nibs.
'Zepha!' Nibs warned. 'Watch what you're doing poo brain!'
Zepha looked at his tray, which was now almost in Nibs' face, as though it was alien to him. 'Oops, sorry...' he apologized.
Gibble looked over to the Food Nipple. He was too short to see the menu over the Elites, so he simply shrugged.
'Uhunoh. Why you asking me?' he babbled to Zepha.
'Wait up!' Waziz spoke. 'I'll go and ask that there Hunter; it's bound to be able to see over those Elites!'
None of the Grunts had really met a Hunter face to face before, but some had heard of what they were like; mean, and generally sadistic, malevolent, slightly thick beasts.
Nibs looked at Waziz a little anxiously. 'Uh, Waziz, I'm not sure...'
Waziz tilted his head and looked at Nibs; he had no clue what she meant. Surely a Hunter could tell them what was on the menu?
'What's there to be not sure about Nibs? I'm sure he can see over those Elites.'
Gibble looked at the Hunter, then at Waziz; then at the Hunter, and Back at Waziz again. He did this several times.
'Maybe Nibs' right,' Gibble spoke.
'See, even Gibble's not so sure about your idea Waziz.' Nibs said beginning to muster confidence.
Zepha stood and stared at the debate clueless- he just wanted to see what was on the menu; what was the big deal?
Gibble finished off his sentence. 'I don't think that Hunter really can see over those Elites. I mean, it's almost as tall as them in that armour.'
Nibs banged her tray over Gibble's head savagely.
'Owowowow!' Gibble cried out clutching his head and jumping about.
Before Nibs could say anything more, Waziz was off in pursue on the Hunter who was slowly making its way closer to the Food Nipple, step by giant earth-quaking step.
'He's stupid.' Nibs sighed.
Zepha took defence of Waziz. 'What are you talking about Nibs? Last time I checked you couldn't count past twenty, and you're calling Waziz stupid?'
Nibs' aggression began to vent.
'There's a difference between stupidity and dumbness Zepha!' she began. 'And I'm dumb; not stupid! There is a difference you know.'
(there is much more, it's just very long)
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