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Seishuku Karyuudo- Home Of The Pizza Kill.
Posted By: MasterSushi<mastersushifp@hotmail.com>
Date: 2 April 2005, 11:04 AM
Read/Post Comments
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Seishuku Karyuudo- Home Of The Pizza Kill.
An Essay By MasterSushi
Disclaimer: While reading this, it is perfectly possible that you will be killed by seismic activity, suddenly fall into a coma or be abducted by aliens. I, MasterSushi, author of this work can take no responsibility for any deaths, unconsciousness or anal probing.
You know my motto: "Please don't sue me."
Introduction
A good evening/morning/afternoon/night/two thousand year eclipse, to all. While my research team is busy working on a much more important project, pumping out research with which nine out of ten pages are filled with sheer irrelevant crap like, "If Bugs Bunny and an Elite had a kid, what would it look like?" and "PWNED yo' ass mf!" I thought that I would embark on a quick article about my customised fighting style. Like The Gunner:Driver Ratio I've posted this as a fic and like The Gunner:Driver Ratio it isn't strictly fiction. But it's just a bit of fun isn't it? Just like The Gunner:Driver Ratio. Don't forget that I'm from good ol' Britannia. If I start spelling stuff funny it isn't my fault- it's my country's. Enjoy!
What is Seishuku Karyuudo? (Basically another intro. Bored yet?)
Seishuku Karyuudo comes from the two words that I occasionally shout in a fervour after I've killed someone in a multiplayer match using my most favourite style. The style, Seishuku Karyuudo is the art of utilising psychological and "invisible" techniques to eliminate the opposition as efficiently and satisfyingly as possible, for example- hitting someone in the back without them knowing.
You may think that you invented this complex fighting style. But you're not the one who gave it a cool Japanese name, are you? And remember that you must never use Seishuku Karyuudo while running with scissors. (Unless under adult supervision).
Memory of Location and Artefact
A vital principle is to remember where everything is.
- If someone is shooting at you, you must be able to automatically decide where they are before moving to take them out, or running away. I prefer running away.
- If you're playing with a suicidal rocket whore, then you want to be able to get him before he gets to the rocket. Camp the spot out or stop him before he gets there. Same with elite marksmen and rifle, swordsmen and energy sword etc.
- You want the shotgun don't you? Of course you do. How are you gonna find it if you don't know where it is? By riding the magic panda's flying carpet? Not until Halo 3 you're not. You have to know where it is and you have to get there first.
- If someone finds out where you are via splitscreen, then you'll want to run blind. Running blind is when you look at the floor when you move. The other player will not know where you are. (For a more detailed explanation on running blind, see my essay on Tank Hunting over at Guptas.) If you don't know where you're going, running blind won't work very well. Unless you're omniscient. In which case you really shouldn't be playing some video game, you should be doing something important like saving lives or selling your body to science.
Ideal Weaponry
You should have a long range and a short range weapon in your armoury, otherwise I will label you "Tard-zan" and force you to eat Covie food for all eternity.
The weapons are listed in order of importance.
The Hippo Stick
The first choice of weaponry. The most significant part of the Seishuku Karyuudo arsenal. The shotgun is your Excalibur and with it you become king of England. Shotgun, shotgun, rice and peas, and shotgun. Those should be the five most used words in your vocabulary if you are to learn the delicate art of Seishuku Karyuudo.
Sniper Rifle
Both the SRSC99C-S2 AM and the Beam Rifle have their strengths, and at least one of them is excellent to have. Hmmm, I have a strange urge to watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air... Many prefer the Beam Rifle because it doesn't need to reload. The overheating means that the user is forced to keep a steady hand and aim for the head. On the other hand, many like the S2 AM because the most popular and effective shot tends to be shooting the body twice in rapid succession. The Beam Rifle leaves little chance of recovery if you screw that shot up. Also, the S2 AM is a human weapon, therefore, must be better.
Battle Rifle
Not only a substantially good gun, but one which is rather plentiful. Good for medium range attacks and powerful as well, this weapon is a great Spartan killer. As it's likely that the other player will have one as well, head shots are imperative and circle strafing certainly comes in handy.
El Spanker
A rocket launcher is great if some driver comes chasing after you, and in Seishuku Karyuudo it has a special job, (see "Look Behind You"; below). Don't forget to take your time when locking on and the closer you come to getting killed, the better the explosion will seem.
Other good weapons include the energy sword and the pistol (M6C Magnum of course). But the energy sword tends to give you away and the pistol is too underpowered for the situations you'd like to be in. The Magnum is best used as a sidearm for eliminating someone with a quick headshot after you've got their shield down but need to reload your primary weapon. But the slot for the Magnum is best replaced with one of the above weapons.
Environments
Incredibly, you can't use this fighting style in a duck pond. Because there isn't one. Annoying isn't it? I'll have to write a letter to Bungie about that one.
When Inside-
Do as the siders do. Just a little joke there. When your bouncing about inside a building or an enclosed space, it's a good idea to find a spot where it is easy for you to shoot someone and kill them as fast as possible. For examples;
-Beside a doorway: Here you can get 'em with a quick shotgun blast without them seeing you. Almost all inexperienced players rush into rooms without proper scrutiny and they won't know what hit them. Even if someone does check a room before entering or move in slower, if you stay still, try to blend in, think happy thoughts and possibly crouch then he shouldn't be able to react fast enough. The only times you
should run into trouble is if someone comes through another entry to your room and kills you first. That can be quite irritating if you don't have an emergency plan.
-Above a doorway: See "Beside a doorway." (above)
-Below a doorway: See "Beside a doorway" (above)
-A dead end: Dead ends are the best place for the "Beside a doorway" series of techniques as no one can come up behind you. However you can also dwell at the back of the room and crouch down, then whenever you see someone just shoot them. This is a good way of luring people to your web, instead of waiting for people to just wander in.
-Sweet Child o' Mine: Guns n' Roses
-A ledge: The same concept as the "Beside a doorway", but it's a lot less likely that you'll be caught. You'll be surprised at how many people thought that there was only one floor on Longest. Longest, probably my favourite infantry map of Halo: Combat Evolved is the best example of using ledges to kill your enemy. Silently scaling ladders before dropping the enemy with a blow to the head made for easy kills.
When Outside-
Always stay near cover, hills/trees/water/rocks/etc. You've got a lot more room to move about and incite fear in your enemy. Outside maps tend to be easier to memorize than inside maps, so use that to your advantage, like in all situations, it'll be invaluable. I prefer outside maps to inside maps because you have a better chance of escaping if you're compromised. But it's best to not be compromised at all. Unless your position is failsafe, keep moving about between kills, or as soon as someone shows an interest in you or finds out where you are. However, on some maps, vehicles can be a right pain in the arse.
Inciting Paranoia
Ahhh, scaring the enemy. The best way to unnerve your opponent until they are nothing but a mass of shaking flesh with barely one finger on the trigger. Trembling like jelly. Jelly with sprinkles. And cream. But the cream would be optional because not everyone likes cream. But everyone loves sprinkles. Or do they? If you don't like sprinkles on jelly, just send me a PM or e-mail. That's chocolate and the multicoloured ones.
Technique~ Pre and Post Kill Music
When heading in for the kill it is important that you hum some kind of music. The theme from Jaws is an especially popular and effective choice. As is the theme from the Doctor Who, which then turns into the theme from Rocky once you've completed the kill. Send out mixed signals. For example, when humming the Jaws theme, it's brilliant to watch your enemy squirm when they understandably assume that you're creeping up on them, when you're actually a hundred feet away aiming an S2 AM at their head.
Obviously there are two sides to the metaphorical coin:
Technique~ Stay Absolutely Silent
Do not make a sound. The other people in the room might even forget that you're there at all. And then BAM! you hit 'em where it hurts. In the back that is. Confusion is a powerful force used by the Seishuku Karyuudo. Even when you kill them don't utter a word. Keep them guessing for a while. Maybe send them a letter a week later telling them it was you who killed them.
"Dear [insert friend's name here. Don't just make some weird name up and expect them to know who it is],
Do you remember your fourth death during the third match
when you came round last Tuesday? Do you remember
shouting an endless stream of profanities as your twenty-six
long killing spree was suddenly ended when you mysteriously
died?
Probably not. Well that was me.
From [insert your name here. Unless you don't have a name. Then you should probably just leave it blank. Or go get one.]
Technique~ Back Scratcher
You see him wandering aimlessly around the map. Soon he comes to a stop. He looks around. Now it's time to have some fun. Move towards him and shoot him in the back. Now hide. When he turns around he won't see you. After a minute or so, he'll turn back or walk away. No matter what he does, shoot him in the back again. Repeat this process five or six times. This'll probably just piss them off. On the next time when they should be nearing the end of the tether, don't shoot them in the back, walk up behind them and hit them in the spine. Job done. I don't know whether this incites paranoia but the look on their face is really funny.
Technique~ Rainbow Shooting
I wrote this one down on a piece of paper but I didn't describe it and have now forgotten what it was. So here's a competition.
Send me a private message or e-mail titled: Rainbow Shooting, and send it to me by my username MasterSushi or my e-mail address mastersushifp@hotmail.com.
Enclose in that PM or e-mail a short paragraph about what you think Rainbow Shooting is or could be. All entries will appear somewhere (probably the Comments page) and the winner will get a figurative cookie. I doubt I will actually get any entries but it would be hilarious if I did. Talk about interactive.
"Look Behind You"
Remember the special job I said I was gonna give to the M19 SSM RL? Well here it is. Let's use Coagulation for this little scenario. (When you say scenario do you say "sen-AHR-rio" or "sen-AIR-rio"? Just wondering.)
They hop out of their 'Hog and start ambling into the blue base. Using your Spanker you fire a rocket at their 'Hog and it blows up (as they do). Then you tell them to look behind them and they are motionless as they see their 'Hog suddenly in flames. How did this happen? they ponder, Should I claim insurance?
This is great if they're quite a long way away and you need just a bit of time to close the gap. Then again, it's more than likely that if they were running to the blue base that they were gonna get into a Banshee and you could have shot that Screamin' Birdee out of the sky instead of wasting a rocket on the 'Hog. Eh well.
Hell's Circle
Nice name, huh? Same principle as the previous technique. But this time you try and manoeuvre them into a group of vehicles. Then you blow all of the vehicles up. But also, you chuck a bunch of frags. And possibly plazzers. Throw the odd rocket in there too. There'll be all like "Oh my gad wassa goin on!" and you can sneak in there for a kill. Or order a hot dog and then sneak in there for a kill. Either way I advise you sneak in there for a kill.
"Roaring in silence, came from the dust a džmon."
Neat li'l title, huh? Don't get your hopes up too high though or you'll be disappointed.
Džmon From Fire
I assume everyone here has watched police films right? Well then you'll know what a stake out is. If you don't know what a stake out is then go watch a cop movie. Or look it up. But cop movies are sooooo much better than looking it up. You can buy some little bags of popcorn to go with it. I like mine salted. Butter is okay but I won't go to any trouble for butter. You can't eat popcorn while looking stuff up or people will think you're weird. Anyhoo, let's say you spot the enemy coming towards you. And there's a 'Hog next to you. And you have a nice sack of 'nades with you. Enemy. Warthog. Grenades. Enemy. Warthog. Grenades. Guessed it yet? Add a stake out to the equation. See where I'm going with this? Probably not. Well this is what you do. You crouch behind the Warthog, like a tiger, making sure you stay hidden, like a dragon, and then as they come close, you frag the 'Hog (making sure you stand just far enough behind it to not get blown up, hills work best for this) and then leap over the flaming debris with a Hippo Stick and blow the living daylights out of his walking, talking sunbed.
Džmon From Earth
Covero. Coverino. Coverenios. (Yes I am just making this up.) No matter what you call it, it is the same thing. Cover. Hang on, Internet Explorer keeps poppin' up. Hang on a sec. Hmmmm. Pwned am I? Ping me do ya? We'll see wormy! I'll kick your arse back to- where was I? Cover. Yes, cover. Cover is, in theory, very important. In practice, it is still very important. It seems thus forth, that cover is very important... Ahem... Yes. Thinking time. What to write? ... ... .
You are now watching a writer's thought process in real time. If you need to go to the toilet, go now before you miss some very stimulating pondering. We could be here for a while.
Three minutes just passed by the way.
Four minutes. I should put another second hand on the clock and race them. But then it wouldn't tell the time...
Cover. So much to say in so little time...
Some food'll get my brain humming. Bear with me I'll be back in a second...
Ow. I tripped on the step and hit my leg on the fridge. I'll be fine. That is one nasty bruise though. Right, what have I got here? Biscuits, for energy. I don't like bananas but raisins are probably brain food as well, right? There must be scientists sitting down somewhere eating food, writing down which ones they think are "brain food". We all know what they're really doing, that they're trying to find some kind of aphrodisiac to get them back on their feet. And when they can't find one and they're under pressure to pump something out then they just come up with some kind of crap like "brain food".
Scientist 1: "I think we should give them some kind of research now. We're reaching the deadline."
Scientist 2: "Yeees. How's the apple viagra coming on?"
Scientist 1: "Not very well."
Scientist 2: "Ah. Okay then. What about brain food? That should keep the funding coming in."
Scientist 1: "Good idea. Let's go for bananas. Okay?"
And you know why they picked bananas don't you? They're obsessed.
Hold on I think I'm coming full circle. Halo. Halo, Halo, Halo. Nice clean paragraph to get back on topic with.
Džmon From Earth
Cover is always important. For more reasons then one. Here's a reason for you. I've never seen a newb use cover well. They might hide or stand behind stuff, but a veteran gamer will always outdo them. In fact it's easier. A nice still target, thinking they're safe. So if you are a newbie, ignore this paragraph and just run around trying to shoot someone. If you aren't though, you probably know everything I'm about to say...
You're probably expecting me to do some kind of old joke by saying something totally random and going: "Gotcha! You didn't know I was gonna say that did you?" But I won't because that's pretty lame isn't it? Cover is the basis of all life. If you are hiding behind cover you must:
1.) Keep looking all around you so that you don't get surprised.
2.) Reload and generally prepare for your run to the next piece of cover, or to your enemy.
3.) Take some deep breaths and evaluate your situation. It's easy to lose your cool and get gunned down by a crazy homicide in a turret.
There are several circumstances in which you will want to use cover. Here they are.
Tanks-
I think I've pretty much covered tanks a month or so ago, so I'll just skim over it this time. Tanks can be very annoying. When hiding from a tank you must be very careful of where you hide. Wraith's plasma mortars are mortars, and as mortars they do what mortars do. They go over cover. The best cover for these are overhead cover like the ramps around the bases of Coagulation or the aerial obstacles of Headlong. Scorpion blasts are always much more powerful than you expect. As well as this, the rate of fire (ROF) is much faster. So always stand back, just behind cover instead of hugging it like newbies often do. Also, when you hug cover you can't see anything, and that's where newbies always go wrong.
Turrets-
My pet peeve is that turrets never run out of ammo. And when I don't have a rocket launcher handy they can be very annoying. Not only that but the ROF is awesomely high, mauling a Spartan in seconds. To try and run out of cover can be suicidal. An example of this can be in Headlong. You know just behind the tank there's a turret? Well I was pinned behind the tank while a friend fired mercilessly upon the tank. As the tank exploded it wiped my shields (this is why, children, you should stand a bit further back from your cover) but the plumes of plasma that shot out from the Wraith were a good enough screen for me to quickly run to a big bit of rubble. Waiting for my shields to recharge I contemplated my next move. I had a few advantages, my experience and the fact that I knew that there was no way my friend was gonna move. He was comfortable in the turret and over confident as well. My disadvantages however was that I was pinned down, he didn't have to reload and overall I had no hope. Time for some devious Seishuku Karyuudo tactics. Bobbing up and down like the fish out of water my name suggests, I feinted my next move. My friend tried to keep up with the incessant movement and was forced to get into the habit of trying to shoot me. After a while when he had not yet given up, his own muzzle flash and bullet spray was enough to distract him from the little sage coloured line zig zagging away from him. I had to run into the building, onto the balcony and grab the M19 SSM before I managed to get him.
On the other hand, what could have happened is that he would have abandoned his turret (something newbies almost never do) and come after me. In which case they wouldn't have stood a chance. Said the spider to the fly: "Something something something."
Or he wouldn't have fallen for me trick and there would be a stalemate.
Persistent Bastards-
I hate it when people stand on an ammo pile and turn themselves into a turret. For example; when that very bothersome enemy keeps going over to the SMG respawn point and constantly fires at you with his dual M7s whenever you go near. Unfortunately for him the little bugger has to reload. Reload time (RT) is the perfect opportunity to run to new cover. The longer the RT the easier it is. And the faster the weapon depletes ammunition, the more frequent is the RT. I bet he's wishing he never picked up those dual-SMGs now, isn't he. Make your way towards him, going from cover to cover, before dealing out the thirteenth card. And if he is not standing on an ammo pile, and is therefore 'stupid' then just wait for him to run our of ammo. Or do the above if you're not very patient. Ahh my 'svedish meatballz' are ready. See you in a sec.
Getting around-
No point hailing for taxis in this game. If you don't wanna be seen you have to use cover and shadows to your advantage. If your colour is white or yellow I suggest you change it. I love a good bright colour when I'm feeling confident and want to add insult to injury, but this isn't the time or place. I suggest darker colours, sage being the best by far. Not only do you blend into the dark but even on plain grass you can stay fairly well hidden. Try not to attract attention unless you're going for an "in your face" approach. Moving from point A to point B without anyone seeing you is essential for the paranoia element as well as being able to do some sneaky manoeuvres.
Džmon From Air
I doubt any of you can deny the thrill of leaping from pillar to pillar, high above the rest of your opponents and then the ecstasy of free falling to the ground behind an enemy and killing them with a swift strike with the butt of your BR55. You can't, can you? Most people play with what is called "single plane scrutiny", meaning that they rarely look up or down unless they have good reason to. People with single plane scrutiny are used to encountering people at ground level, so they don't bother looking above ground level. So when you drop down and tell them to bend over so that you can KICK THEIR ASS they should be taken totally by surprise.
People, like me, tend to have their favourite maps and some maps they rarely play. On the second type of map, people feel like they're on some unknown planet, they're uncertain about stuff; respawn positions, weapon locations, hiding places, etc.
On the maps they play quite a lot, they will feel at home, they flow easier because they're comfortable and confident. If you're playing on the one of these maps with someone who plays that map constantly, then you'll have to be more careful then when playing one they've never played before. Know your enemy and use that to your advantage.
Džmon From Water
Like a crocodile you crouch under the water of Beaver Creek. Someone approaches, not that dick Steve Irwin, but a dangerous enemy. They can't see you. Maybe they think it's a dead body. As he crosses your path you arise from the sparkling beads of water and strike him once in the back.
You see, sometimes there is no cover. Bummer, I hear you say. (Although there is tons and tons of cover in Beaver Creek.) So a lot of the time, Coagulation for example, you will have to use the lay of the land to your advantage. Crouch if you must, you'll want to keep your head down. And if someone is closer than you think, you'll not want to painted red on their Motion Tracker. The lay of the land won't protect you from mortar fire at all though, so be careful. It's a good idea to stay near the walls of the map, that way you can blend in with the natural arrangement of the map, instead of sticking out in the horizon. Wow, I think I'm almost done.
The Pizza Kill
The is a special kill which is the most demoralizing and deadly attack ever used in the history of Halo, (with numerous exceptions of course). When this terrifying execution is performed, the victim (in "real life") will spew his pizza, or whatever food he's eating, all over his controllers. This is why the phrase "Bring your own controller," is not an invitation, but a challenge. The attack is achieved when one uses a number of techniques and then slays a confident and comfortable opposition as if from out of nowhere.
Conclusion
So now you know all about Seishuku Karyuudo and the now famous "Pizza Kill." You are officially (because I said so) an honorary member of Seishuku Karyuudo. You may now proceed to the Comments Section where you can leave a post saying how brilliant I am. You could say I suck as well, but then I'd call you horrifying and appalling names like monkey crap.
No really, say whatever you think; express yourself. Peace and love to all monkey crap and non-monkey crappers.
See ya'll on at the Comments Page, be kind, keep rocking and God bless.
Blatant Advertising of Previous Works
An Anthology of Thoughts: The Driver:Gunner Ratio.
Ahh, a short little number, the first of what I hope to be many.
Take a good, long, hard look at:
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=mastersushi.1201042118551.html
Tank Hunting: Why an M19 is better than an haddock.
Imminent update meant it's home had to be at Guptas. This is a little longer, the word processor document is twenty pages long.
Check it out at:
http://www.takeforum.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=328&mforum=guptas
Thanks to:
Louis Wu and the rest of the HBO staff, for this website. (Do you read every fic personally? That's pretty impressive.)
My research team, for inadvertently letting me kick their arses with this technique:
D0nk3y F4c3
L3g3nd
Fluid Approach
OneMoreMonkey
ForDonutsAndPie!
Shebang
Last Of The Sheikah
3nigma
7thPower
WingedBlade
1moretime!
!Hotdiggety!
Everyone at HBO FF because you're my friends and you've helped me get better at writing ever since yadda yadda yadda yadda.
Me. I wrote the goddamn thing.
God. Because "what the big guy say, the little man do". Not that he told me to write this or anything. I was just saying. Plus I think I just used his name in vain a sentence ago while thanking myself. That's a couple of sins right there, isn't it? Best to apologise. Sorry 'bout that big man.
Sorry to:
Scientists, you're all right really.
The reader, because I started going off topic so often. Well what were you expecting? Some kind of article to help you get better at Halo? No. This was a cleverly disguised rant about cancerous aardvarks. See if you can spot the hundreds of references.
Cancerous aardvarks, I'm sorry if I was being insensitive about your illness.
Halo Newbies: Sorry, but experience is the most powerful tool in all of Halodom. I hope this has helped any newbs find their faults and has helped everyone who is not a newb to realise how good and lucky they are. And maybe you learnt something as well.
Me. Do you have any idea how much pain I went through and then documented? My knee's bruised really bad.
Rap music glamorises gun crime. Apparently, so does a gun toting South American dolphin named Dewey.
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