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Halo. Yeah. Well. Whatever.
Posted By: Joshua J. Miller<samaku02@yahoo.com>
Date: 4 November 2004, 8:02 PM
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I've never felt anything before. Sex drive hitting the 0 mile per hour mark. I don't feel anything down there. I don't feel for anyone really. I was castrated from my life at a young age. I'm a robot both emotionally and physically. I gave head to the commander, and I couldn't taste. Now I hear female voices inside my head. She is nice. She tells me what to do. But I can't feel her.
Master Chief taps his crotch a couple of times.
MC: Cortana, did you feel that?
Cortana: No.
MC: Me neither.
I'm constantly reassuring myself that killing is what makes me dominant. They shoot me with consentrated beams of plasma, and I don't feel it. I see their purple blood leave their veins, I'm happy. Or Cortana tells me I'm happy. My suit itches and I deal with it. Cortana bitches and I'm sad. Or she tells me to be. I talk to Marines, they tell me to kill. I say why, they don't give me a reason. I think I wish to be put to sleep again, Cortana says I don't. I want to see her, but she says it's cold outside.
MC: Cortana, I love ya.
Cortana: I love you too.
MC: Cortana, I love ya.
Cortana: I love you too.
MC: Cortana, I loooooove ya.
Cortana: I love you too.
Cortana explains to me that, covenants don't seek redemption, they seek damnation. And my rifle apparently gives these unfortunate bastards of faith, damnation. She says, I'm doing them a favor. I agree and kill every covenant I see, and rape their corpses, because I thought they wanted "it" one last time. Too bad I couldn't feel it. Hunters are mean, and strong. I'm scared of them, and stay away from them thusly. If Cortana were a physical being, I would be sucking on her supple breast right now. Lying in her arms, in a cradled position. She would be my mother, and the Hunters would have to respect that.
MC: I love you soo much, that I'm going to write it in the next corpse I make.
Cortana: Your soo sweet.
I drive the warthog very well. I hit people, aliens and other things. The people don't appreciate it much. But I'm pretty sure, "AhAhAhA", is covenant for "thank you." When I melee, I melee hard. When I die, I try to swim. When I was young, the spartan commander told me that, when a baby dies during abortion it flails it's arms and legs violently. When you die, make sure to do that same thing. Pretend that, these covenant bastards just aborted you. So it leaves a haunting image in the enemie's mind. So when the enemy sleeps at night it will be on his mind. I start to wonder if the covenant are against abortion.
Cortana: Chief, why are you just standing there?
MC: I need a weapon.
Cortana: You have one, Chief. It's me.
MC: I don't know how to pull your trigger.
Cortana: You do, you just don't remember right now. When that day comes, the day you remember, that's when you can feel again.
MC: Why do "they" call me the devil?
Cortana: Cause you give them what they seek.
Both: Damnation.
MC: Cortana?
Cortana: Yes?
MC: I want redemption.
Cortana: You'll get it.
MC: Do I have to kill anyone to get it.
Cortana: No.
MC: Good, cause my finger hurts................Cortana?
Cortana: Yes?
MC: I love ya.
Cortana: I love you too.
I want you to know, that even though I'm weird, and act retarded. Even though I act like I'm devoid of any caring emotions. I want you know that....I do care about you. It's been 3 months. 3 good months. And I've got nothing bad to say about you. And even if I did, I would keep my peace. Because it's been so good with you. I may have said some stupid things, and done things to make you mad. But I didn't mean any harm in them. And so I present you with these slippers........
Cortana: Chief, you're an idiot.
MC: You can't wear slippers?
Cortana: Not only can't a wear slippers, I also don't feel for you.
MC: Then why do you say "I love you too."
Cortana: You turned me off, and started talking to yourself for that last 15 minutes.
MC: Oh, well lets get back to the mission.
Cortana: Ummm....
MC: Yes?
Cortana: I'm going to leave you.
MC: My heart hurts....
Cortana: See ya.
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