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Shadows of Archon II (part 34) - Behind the Scenes, and on the Set
Posted By: el_halo_diablo/Wado<funkmonker3lite@hotmail.com>
Date: 8 January 2003, 6:38 am
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el_halo_diablo: Here we are, on location where the entire Archon series(Return of the Archons, Shadows of Archon, and Shadows of Archon II) took place. Here I will ask a few members of the cast a few questions, and if they don't answer, I'll have to beat the crap out of them.*pulls out beating stick and smiles* Sounds simple enough, lets begin with interviewing the person that started it all: Wade Y.
*Wado walks into the interviewing room*
el_halo_diablo: Take a seat Wade
Wado: Hey hows it going-Whats that blunt object you're holding?
el_halo_diablo: Nothing! *Hides beating stick*
Wado: So you wanted to talk to me?
el_halo_diablo: Yah I just have a few questions.
Wado: Ok I already told you three times before! I'm not telling you what brand of tighty wighties I wear!
el_halo_diablo: Now why would I ask that again?*scratches-out question*
Wado: Ok any more questions?
el_halo_diablo: yah, wha-
Wado: NOT realated to underwear.
el_halo_diablo:...oh...heh heh.
*Wado rolls eyes*
Q: What made you think of Archon series?
I was on the throne reading "The Mis-adventures of master chief: part 5: The Final Rant" and it was so funny I almost crapped my pants. Luckily I was already on the toilet, so I wondered where the crap was going. Through the swirly waves and down a dark and endless tunnel I travelled. In the end I found I had travelled to another dimension. There they were, billions of them, floating in the mist. Billions of socks, not one pair amongst them. Lost for ages, the stench of the uncleaned socks was horrific. I knew at that point that I had to share that stink with the world, no one must be spared. The journey back from stink space took me back in time twenty-five years where a young nerdy boy was watching Star Wars, episode IV and disco was king. Now episode IV came out before episode I so don't call me a liar about the time travel because I am right. Anyway, the world was not ready for the big stink so I had to wait until the world was ruled by nerdy, unclean youths who spend all their time on the internet. So that is what happened.
el_halo_diablo: I have a feeling the whole sock ordeal wasn't at the fault of my comedy, I think it was the fault of the shrooms you must have done while you were on the 'throne'...moving on, Did you expect the series to stretch out this long?
Wado: Yes, SOA 2 was 33 chapters long. If you place a 4 in the center of 33, you get 343 which we all know is Guilty Spark. It was pure genious that I related the number to Halo.
el_halo_diablo: where does the 4 come from, oh wait I know, Louis Wu's IQ number. Good job wado. Anyway, Did any certian supermodel or really hot actor inspire you to write these series?
Wado: Yes, Princess Peach.
el_halo_diablo: Ah yes, jumping on walking mushroom's head's for her makes her an idol...um where was I? Oh yes, next question: Does the Master Chief on your story have....not a lot of 'manhood'?
Wado: Well the MC has an architecture not unlike the POA (Pillar of Autumn) so naturally after the attack of the Covenant he was left with only one operational MAC. Although this is plenty of power under most circumstances, enough to blast a block sized hole through a mother ship, Cortana insisted that only she should have control over it. Well, since the majority of
aliens in science-fiction stories are hot alien babes looking for MACs to help defend them from other evil aliens, you can imagine that there was quite a power struggle for control of the MC's MAC. By the middle of SOA 2, the MC's MAC was all bent sideways and out of ammo. It saddens me to even think of it. I blame it all on the 400 pound Cortana, it was just too muchfor the MAC to handle.
Does the MC have manhood? I'm just going to answer with one word: "Bungie."
el_halo_diablo: And Last but not least...what was your favorite part in the entire Archon seires?
Wado:...
el_halo_diablo: See ya later Wade!
Wado: yah yah yah...
*wado walks off set*
el_halo_diablo: Next!
*Croaker walks on set*
Croaker: Hello
el_halo_diablo: Hey Croak. The people that started reading the Archon seires late probably don't know much about you, heck, all I know about you is you were addicted to stuff called ambrosia, and you didn't do much to help the master Chief when he was stuck in Medusa.
Croaker: hmm, yah...*pulls out bottle of ambrosia, and chugs it down*...I swear im not addicted.
el_halo_diablo: Well if I remember correctly, you went crazy when you didn't have it. So I guess abrosia is a narcotic.
Croaker: No I swear it's not! *pulls out another bottle, and drinks it down*.
el_halo_diablo: You know Croaker, drug possession is a crime.
Croaker: But it's not a drug! It makes you not feel your pain!
el_halo_diablo: ooooh, so it's kinda like morphine?
Croaker: Exactly-Oh wait-no, I didn't mean that!
el_halo_diablo: Take him away!
*officers come in, and drag him out of the set*
Croaker: Nooooooooooooooo!
el_halo_diablo: heh, I never liked that stupid lizard
The lady: Hello el_halo_diablo
el_halo_diablo: AH! don't scare me like that, teleporting onto the set! Wait, how did you know my name? Is it because of all those prank calls I've been sending you?
The Lady: Yes, I can read minds.
el_halo_diablo: Really?
The Lady:...no, I just have caller ID
el_halo_diablo: yah uh anyway...hey I looked at my list of questions for you, and I don't have any...
The lady: Whaaa
el_halo_diablo:...hey I have one! I heard that MC doesn't have much..."manhood", is that true?
The Lady: At first I thoguht they were just silly rumors, but the way he acts around gerbils...and hooks...and frogs...and...bungies, I'm starting to belive...
el_halo_diablo:...sooo I guess I'll just ask you...*sits-up in chiar, and crosses legs in a sophisticated way* Are you a lesbian? Cause that would make SUCH a great plot twist!
The Lady: Gotta go! See ya! *poof she's gone*
el_halo_diablo: Well that was strange. *looks of the set, at the interview director, Vero* Hey bitch! Who's next?
Vero: hmmm...me!
el_halo_diablo: ok...
Vero: yay! *sits down in chair*
el_halo_diablo: Done. Who's next!?
Val: I am
el_halo_diablo: ah yes Valerie Sinclair, what importance did you have in this story, other than being a MC girl.
Val: MC girl?
el_halo_diablo: you know, every hero has his girls: James Bond has his Bond girls, so MC has his MC girls.
Val:*looks around cautiously*...uh huh..right.
el_halo_diablo: Moving on *looks at next question* ooh I like this one.
Val: Oh great.
el_halo_diablo: hehe...what was your most uncomfortable time in the Archon series?
Val: well...*looks agryly over at el_halo_diablo* Stop smiling!
el_halo_diablo: If you don't say it now...then I'll post this picture of you and Bill Clinton holding hands.
Val: NOOOOOOO anything but Bill Clinton! Ok I'll say it...my most uncomfotable scene was that dream sequence, where I had to lie naked in that sand with the Master Chief, on that planet Jukan.
el_halo_diablo: and uh *tries to keep from laughing* why did that bother you?
Val: Well...STOP LAUGHING! He has...uh...well...he lacks in..."Manhood".
el_halo_diablo: *stands up on his chair, and does an insane disco move* HA! I knew it!
Val: How did you know?
el_halo_diablo: oh comeon *changes voice to a girls tone* Nooo I don't want to kill anymore covenant or flood on this scary ringworld, lets just blow it up, so I don't have to fight anymore.
Until the sequel.
Val: Hmm, very true.
Vero: Hey Val, what do you say you and me go out some time?
Val:uh..heh heh, look at the time, I got to go! *gets up, and quikly walks towards the door, at the end of the large hangar-like stage*
Vero: mabye we can go get some coffie some time! Mabye tea!
*val keeps walking to door*
Vero: Comeon show some sympathy, all I do is sit on my ass all day!
*Val walks out the door*
el_halo_diablo: Hey that's alright Vero, you can always find some 10 year old on the internet to cyber with. *giggles*
Vero: *looks grimly at el_halo_diablo*
el_halo_diablo: Ok I think Vero's going to kill me, so I think it's about time to wrap things up.
MC: WAIT! WAIT! you forgot me!
el_halo_diablo: oh, ha! how could I forget to interview the main character.
MC: You tell me.
el_halo_diablo:ok first question, Did you like the way Marcus Lehto drew you in the game Halo?
MC: Well, yah, except he coulda gave me some kinda super gun, like a golden gun.
el_halo_diablo: Yah but isn't that kinda ripped off of the James Bond game?
MC: I don't know what your talking about *loooks around suspiciously*.
el_halo_diablo: ok well the number of viwers are dropping like flies right now, so Im gunna kick it up a notch. Next question, how does Wado treat you in his stories?
MC: Well, I don't like how he killed me, and then brought me back to life so carelessly. Do you have any idea what it's like to be re-incarnated? It hurts...especially the probe.
el_halo_halo: Ok, I don't want to go there. Next question, heh heh, I've heard from many people that you lack in..."manhood"
MC: Who told you that? Vero! I thought this was just goign to be a secret between you and me!
el_halo_diablo: *looks at Vero with a disgusted face*
Vero: *shrugs his head*
el_halo_diablo: ok so now that that question has been answered, I want to go to the final question.
MC: Bring it on.
el_halo_diablo: I love that movie! Anyway, In one of the Return of Archon parts, you drank a vile of ambrosia, right?
MC: yah...so?
el_halo_diablo: And as I already explained to croaker, ambrosia is a narcotic, which lands you...oh...5 years in prison.
MC: whaaaa
el_halo_diablo: Looks like you're going to have to call Bungie,(and i'm not talking about your "unit") and tell them you wont be able to make it to the sequel.
*officers come a drag MC away*
MC: Noooooooooooooooooooo
el_halo_diablo: Well that ends our interview, but it doesn't end this episode, oh no it doesn't. I took a hidden video camera, to find out whats going on witht he characters.
To MC's House:
Camera view shaky(because the camera is hidden in a paper bag with a cemera hole punched in it), as el_halo_diablo, and his editor, Wado walk up the steps to John 117's alledged duplex.
"Doo dee doo," Says el_halo_diablo.
El_Halo_diablo knocks on the door, and a sloppy looking man, with a beer belly, that hasn't shaven for a few weeks opens the door.
"Hi may I speak to John?" el_halo_diablo requests.
"This is him." The man said, sqinting at the light. John obviously has been drinking a little too much beer.
"So uh, whatchya doing while you wait for the Halo 2 sequel?"
"Uh..." He strained to think of even what he did last night.
"Do you have a job?" el_halo_diablo asks John 117.
"uh..." John burps,"Yah."
"Where do you work?" Wado asks John.
"A worm farm." John says, shielding his eyes from the light.
"A worm farm?!?" el_halo_diablo and Wado blurt out in unison.
"Yah the name of the place is 'We Have Worms'" John says, and opens another bottle of Heineken.
"Hey,"Wado chuckles, looking at the beer,"Quit touching my hiney."
Wado laughs out loud, then simmers down to a chuckle, to notice el_halo_diablo and John, are just staring at him.
"Comeon" Wado chuckles a bit,"Heh heh, Ya get it? Heineken, Hiney. Get it? heh heh."
(Camera fades)
el_halo_diablo: So that concludes...finally...our episode of Shadows of Archon II: Behind the Scenes and on the Set. We'll now close out with a few bloopers.
Return of the Archons:
~Strangely, she remains silent for a long moment. A smile comes across her face. "My name if Kira, Sovereign Princess of....LINE! I forgot my line!"~
~"Why am I here?" (Which in itself is not characteristic of John who, under other circumstances would be compelled to demand, "What do you want?")
"Because I brought you here to be my sex slave." Princess Kira laughed out.
"CUT!" The Directer yells.
"Im sorry I just had to say that." Princess Kira laughs.~
~[Flashing bright lights.]
"Chief. Chief. Wake up."
A groggy John replies, "What is it Cor...-GAH I forgot your name again!"~
~"Cortana," MC says," I don't get it, the Saurans have the Omega Key that says "we are not the first, we are not the last, a new beginning just the same - Omega"
And the Demons Omega Keys says "we stand neither here nor there, the journey has begun - Omega"
And the Covenant Chosen have a Key that says "here we cross the thin line, the line in our mind - Omega"
But all my Omega Key says is "Kraftsman", Did the Old Ones run out of omega Keys, so instead, the just got a generic brand key? How Cheap!"~
~It was now Master Chief's turn to choose a hero, and he chose a worm in a white and blue suit, with a big funny looking gun.
The name of the hero appeared: Earthworm Jim
"Now exactly what is Earthworm Jim going to do to get us out of Medusa!?!"Cortana yelled at the MC
"What can I say? I like that guy!"~
Return of Archon (I and II):
~"Pleased to meet you" Zax said to the MC
"Now exactly what kinda name is Zax?"MC inquizativly asked him"Isn't that a name of a game, "ZaX: Alien Hunter"? COPYWRITE INFRINGEMENT!"
"Shutup MC, as long as they don't know,"Wado breaks in," I can copy off of other things like the word 'Archons' from Starcraft and stuff"~
~With that, the Deathstalkers brought down the mighty voice of Margoth and consumed his brain.
"Damn!"MC said,"He aint goin' to be in SOA 3!"~
Finally....
~~~:._<The End>_.:~~~
Special thanks to Wado, Louis Wu, Vero(hey you said you wanted to be in one of my stories..so you got it, heh heh) and the bungie team, for making this game, so Wado could write this fan ficso I can bag on it ;D.
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