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An Interview With a Grunt
Posted By: Da S14y3r<wouldn't yaliketoknow?@blabla.net>
Date: 10 October 2004, 12:49 AM
Read/Post Comments
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An Interview with a Grunt
Master Chief: I'm here with Norsty Chapchap, a Grunt in the Covenant Armada, how are you Norsty?
Norsty: What? Where am I? Oh no, it's a friggin cyborg! Crap run!
Master Chief: Easy Norsty, we're just here for an interview, we wanted to see what is was like being the lowest life-form on the food chain.
Norsty: What the hell's that supposed to mean!?!? You callin' me a wimp, lemme at em, lemme at em!!!
Master Chief: Woah Norsty, chill, just wanted to make small talk bud.
Norsty: Oh, right sorry, some times I gotta stand my ground, ya know? Can't let any of the other guys think I'm weak ya know?
Master Chief: Yea, I understand, back when I was a little tike. I remember *sniff* the big bullies used to pick on me. I'll show them, I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!!!
Norsty: Woah, easy big guy, wanna talk about it?
Master Chief: Well, it was just like, they were all so much bigger than me, and well... Wait a second... This is my interview, not yours!
Norsty: Erm...yea, right so, ask me some questions.
Master Chief: Right, so, continuing on. What's your job in the Covenant organization?
Norsty: Well, we're basically bait, we traipse around and act stupid, then, when the marines or whatever it is, come into the room, we yell, scream, run and fire randomly into the air and let the Jackals, Elites, and Hunters take care of the rest. It's really a miracle I made it this far into my life. Most Grunts barely live to see there teenage years.
Master Chief: Yea, speaking of that, how are your years set up? You know, in relation to us?
Norsty: Well, I believe it's for every one year for us, it's a half a year for us.
Master Chief: Wow, so that means most Grunt only live to be what, four?
Norsty: That's seven and a half man, all brawn, no brains. *sigh*
Master Chief: What'd you say punk!?!? I'll blow your brains out you little-
Norsty: Woah, chill, no harm done. Sheesh, so jumpy.
Master Chief: Sorry, sometimes I get a little jumpy and sensitive.
Norsty: Yea me too.
Master Chief: Woah, I just realized, I've killed so many Grunts...
Norsty: *gulp* Umm... yea, this is really uncomfortable right now.
Master Chief: S'alright, I don't have any weapons on me.
Norsty: Wait, what are you reaching for? Oh my Jorgen! Is that a pistol?
Master Chief: What? No, this is a... a lollipop.
Norsty: Oh, so... can I have it?
Master Chief: Sure here, you just stick it in your mouth here...
Norsty: Wait, why can't I do it?
Master Chief: Because you don't know how, now come here.
Norsty: I think your tricking me. Well, I'm not THAT stupid. You'll have to catch me first, hahaha. You'll never-
Master Chief: *BLAM*
Norsty: ...
Director: Chief, come on man, that's the fifth one today. You seriously need to chill. We don't have a whole lot more.
Master Chief: Sorry, it's just, I was trained to kill, waddya expect?
Director: Yea, but didn't they teach you to... woah, Chief whats with the look? Umm... your creepin me out man, come on. Heh...
Master Chief: Come here, I gotta show you something.
Director: Chief come on man, don't do this. No... OH GOD!!! *CRRRAAACK*
Master Chief: Hehehe... I love that sound, the sound of a neck snapping. Hey, there's a camera man too. Hey, come here. Well, come on over, I'm not gonna hurt you.
Camera Man: Woah, dude, please. I got a family man. OH GOD NO!
Master Chief: Where ya runnin' to? You think you can out run me? Oh you're so dead buddy...
Camera Man: No ple-
Master Chief: *BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!* Now for the rest of you!
Crew Member: AHHH!!! EVERYONE RUN!!! HE'S GOT A GRENADE!!!
Master Chief: *click* *Clink* *Clink* *Clink *BOOM!*
Crew: YAAAAARRGGHHH!!!
Master Chief: Well, crap, I'm bored, I wonder what it feels like... *BLAM* OW! My foot! God, so that's what I been doin' to people. I deserve to die! *BLAM!* *Thud*
Elite: Woah, what happend here?
Hunter: Looks like a friggin warzone ya ask me.
Grunt: Yea like a-
Elite and Hunter: SHUT UP!
Grunt: Right, hey, what is that? Oh my Jorgen! Norsty! They killed Norsty!
Elite: Shut up you little idiot.
Grunt: But, he was my best friend!
Elite: I said shut up!
Grunt: *SNAP* *Thud*
Hunter: Ca-can I shoot him?
Elite: Sure give it a go.
Hunter: *WERRRR* *BOOM*
Elite: Suh-weet!
Hunter: Yea, look at that skin bubble. Hey, that's fun, let's do it again.
Elite: Yea, but on who? Woah, what are you lookin at me like that for man?
Hunter: *WERRRR* *BOOM!*
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