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Comments for 'The Reedeemers pt1' |
Mainevent
11:27 am | October 13, 2003
Personally I think it would be kinda impossible for the flood to "join" sides....
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MasterGrunt
9:27 pm | October 12, 2003
You go to fast. Not to mention nothing can be worse than the flood and the humans and covenant would never join forces. That egg thing is definetly copied from the movie "Alien". Overall this story is kinda pathetic no offense.
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Mainevent
10:37 pm | October 9, 2003
The first anonymous was me, I forgot to put my name, the other two are the real anonymous.
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Anonymous
9:05 pm | October 9, 2003
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WAS THAT?!
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Hikaru-119
3:36 pm | October 9, 2003
As much as I want to blaze on this story I won't. I'll just say, " Try harder on some things and your writing will work out better. "
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Agent Shade
11:45 am | October 9, 2003
no comment (bascically, Agent Shade does not wish to say what he REALLY feels about this story *cough*)
...ok, i do have one comment. read other people's stories dude and work on your story structure, grammar, spelling, basically, you need to rethnk everything, or just stop writing, since it doesn't seem to be your fortee or however you spell that...
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Awesomedudeman
11:44 am | October 9, 2003
YOU FUCKING STOLE MY STORY CONCEPT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!! I posted a story called
"The Horde: Prologue". While not a very good story, as it was my first post, it was a shitload better than this. Your grammar sucked balls, and so did your dialogue. You can't tell when one person stops talking and a narrating sentence begins, and so the plot was not even really there. The "redeemers"? They shoot what? Acid/ Plasma/Lasers? What the fuck is that? If you continue to steal my ideas, i'll send you a fucking virus, you dick! I'm not fucking kidding!!
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Anonymous
10:28 am | October 9, 2003
Mark VI, not Mark VIII
"Now here you go.."-Very unlikely for a human, much less a prophet to say.
Doom creatures? Exactly like the flood, except not as well thought out. Exact same reproduction and thought processes.
Kelly? How original. Why not Fhajid the crippled braniac in a tank? Or Linda, the spartan blown to hell in the POA's explosion. Far greater twists can be thought of.
And your grammar and spelling is impeccable to boot.
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Walker
2:54 am | October 9, 2003
You can write or you can't. You're always born with at least a bit of the talent, and if you don't build on that when you're very little--and I mean single digits, here, people--you won't be able to tap into it as well. A few are later on, and only the tiniest percent actually learn to write well without much of a natural ability. No, by well I do not mean just grammatically correct, but a story that has that special spark to it that makes it addictive. A good example: Harry Potter. You don't know exactly what it is, but you just can't put it down. Or something by James Clavell, perhaps, such as King Rat. Coonts' Flight of the Intruder. Heck, why not, even Paulsen's My Life in Dog Years, for all it's worth. You need to read the classics, whether they be true to their name or of the new breed, and have a good foundation in multiple points of writing and literature to understand what makes people want to read what you write. After that, with a bit of natural flair, you should do fine--as long as you change your name.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Hawk7886
10:55 pm | October 8, 2003
You should try reading other people's stories before you write one of your own. Then you could learn from their mistakes.
You didn't.
You're lucky Alpha posted before I did, I wouldn't of said everything NEARLY as nicely as he did.
-1/10
Gimme my point back.
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Andrew
10:41 pm | October 8, 2003
What on God's green earth was this? I think Dr. Suess can write a better Halo fic than you!
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Alpha Lance
8:24 pm | October 8, 2003
Well, it had some errors. Like,
1.) Periods go inside the quotes, exp,
"Get the down!" Not "Get the down"!
2.) Capitalization wasnt there. I, Grunt, Elite, Marine, Master Chief, etc, should be Capitalize.
3.) Here is some words you misspelled, help, Forerunner, into, and some other stuff. I suggest you write your stuff on Word or have someone check over it.
4.) Halo 2 is a game, if you wanted to say they were going to another Halo. Then you say, They are going to Installation 2. Or something like that.
5.) Remember to space between punctuation marks.
Well, that is all I notice, but remember, Im trying to help. Also, have someone look over it, or proofread it.
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SOS.Odin
8:00 pm | October 8, 2003
ideas not bad
writing needs quite a bit of spiffin up tho
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Dispraiser
7:37 pm | October 8, 2003
What a name...
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Dispraiser
7:37 pm | October 8, 2003
Also...
Redeemers. It is not spelled quite how it sounds.
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Walker
12:05 pm | October 8, 2003
Spartan of peace. Ha.
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