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Comments for 'A Soul of Steel: Part 1' |
Mastergrunt
11:18 am | September 16, 2003
Great story. I liked how emphasized on hte point that not every marine is a first class killer. It makes you think deeper.
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Vi3tl3l3oi 023(Return of CPT CRAPPER)
2:24 am | September 13, 2003
wow... u really put the aspect of the video stuff real good... but u should in the beginning, show the part where the marines find the body and play the video... just an idea..
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Sergeant B
11:38 am | September 12, 2003
Very good. The story is very original, first person. It is also a journal. I like it. Very few errors in both catergories. Can't wait for part two!
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Jinkaiden-XI
11:24 am | September 12, 2003
I expected nothing of any high levels of importance, so this story basically went fine with me.
The Scribe, your writings are magnificent, and I'm looking forward to others.
Jinkaiden-XI
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The Scribe
12:45 am | September 12, 2003
Here's the thing, guys. My first part of a series are always or are sometimes not the best part, but taking your advice I can make it better. Thanks for the critisism and keep the comments rolling as this one unfolds.
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Wado
9:47 pm | September 11, 2003
Expectation is a hard thing to beat. I, unlike hornet34, expected nothing so I guess I enjoyed the story more. But hornet34 and Ishkabibbl bring up good points Scribe.
So here is the just of it from me. You can have anyone as the main character but if you choose a main character that is strictly by the book, you won't have much of a story. Take Star Trek for instance. Captain Kirk would never be allowed to do the stuff he did in the series if he was a real Naval Captain. A series with him staying in the bridge all the time would not have been the same and probably be much more boring.
So now in your story you have a Marine writing a story, a diary of sorts. His writing is very much like what I might expect from a Marine with a good education, however, for your story to rock, consider that we the readers want not the average Marine, but an extraordiary one. We expect the diary to be from a literary genious, a poet, a novelist. See what I mean?
Keep up the great writing Scribe. Looking forward to more from you. Cheers.
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Ishkabibbl
6:09 pm | September 11, 2003
I think I saw a couple of erroers, but it might've been my head being stupid again. If there are I'm sure other authors will pick them out. About the story, it was ok but the planet was sorta bland.
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hornet34
4:17 pm | September 11, 2003
Oh, I was expecting so much more. Now don't get me wrong, this story was good, but your idea; a journal from a deceased marine detailing day-to-day life, It just had so much potential that I was expecting something great.
In the future, don't rush. This story had a rushed feel, and it would have been better if it wasn't. Expand on boot camp, tell me more about the place he was stationed and routine life. Heck, you don't even need the battle, you could just say Hydro?? is where he first encountered Covenant and include a few memories. My point is, fight scenes are done in every story. This story has the potential to be so much more because its not shown from the normal point of view.
As for a rating, Great Idea, Delivery needed work 9.1/10 Please keep this story going though, its different and I like that.
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