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Comments for 'Scar's Last Battle' |
The Scribe
3:09 am | September 14, 2003
To anonymous: Thanks a lot. More is coming, just not from this series.
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anonymous
3:16 am | September 13, 2003
I really like this series for what it was, an action packed adventure that swapped between the shoes of Scar and the Master Chief. As a matter of fact I really didn't mind that you used Master Chief becuase although he wasn't the real focus of the story did focus on him, and for what you did with his character also remains true to the character Bungie made him out to be. I really liked the ending and expect to see more from you Scribe, keep it coming! Good Job!!
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The Scribe
12:12 am | September 13, 2003
Lol, Don't cry 'Nosolee!
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'Nosolee
11:36 am | September 12, 2003
Wow, I remember when I was the only one who commented on The Scribe's story. ::snivel:: Big boy's all grown up.
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The Scribe
11:15 am | September 12, 2003
Thanks everyone and once again, to Wado: Okay, okay, now I get it. You meant me as the narrator! Okay, now I see. Well...I only have one thing to say...Great criticism. I'll be sure to fix this "balance" problem in my next series of stories.
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Wado
11:13 am | September 11, 2003
*got it so...
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Wado
11:02 am | September 11, 2003
I think you got the jest of my comment Scribe. Again great job.
To clarify, just in case, I don't mean the language or words that the characters speak when I say you called Covenant "beasts." What I mean is in your narrative that goes with those characters, you, the writer, chose the narrative to use and your narrative calls the Covenant beasts. I would not complain if a Marine called a Covenant Elite a beast.
So if you chose to use the narrative to paint a picture of the enemy as savage beasts, that is fine but that hurts the story later when we take the Covenant point of view because you as the narrator have previously called them beasts. To balance this out, you might find ways to help the reader identify with the Covenant. You can use narrative descriptions to call the humans devils (so that puts the readers into the minds of the Covenant) and you can use descriptive terms to counter the previous statemates by describing Covenant as noble, trustworthy, dutiful, brave, etc. i.e., The noble and brave Elite bowed deeply in the presence of his lord, the Prophet...
Well I think you got so if I'm just repeating myself, please excuse me.
Looking forward to more stories from you.
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Vi3tl3l3oi 023
2:24 am | September 11, 2003
::raises hand::
one of the best writers on halo.bungie.org muhahahaha.... well... this is turning off topic... and flaming... but keep up the work scribe... sentence structure and dialogue! other than that...
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Ishkabibbl
1:51 am | September 11, 2003
Um...don't be an ass? That usualy works.
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Sergeant B
1:15 am | September 11, 2003
Can you people read. Tell me what's your problem and I'll help! Simple.
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Wado
1:12 am | September 11, 2003
Havok, I've been around the last few weeks. Lots of good writers, old and new here, very cool. Glad to see you around.
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Havok
12:57 am | September 11, 2003
holy shat! wado, when the hell did you get back on?
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The Scribe
10:44 pm | September 10, 2003
*Part 1
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The Scribe
10:35 pm | September 10, 2003
To Wado: Thank you for the CONSTRUCTIVE, yes Sergeant B a.k.a. Brendan Harther, I said C-O-N-S-T-R-U-C-T-I-V-E criticisism. So, anyway, thank you for that Wado. I can see where your coming from. Although the Covenant may seem brutal and merciless, I wanted to give them a civilized manor of speaking. By this I mean that they don't necessarily use such "dirty" or offensive terms as the humans do. Because it seems like in all sci-fi films, movies, or games, at least most of the time, the aliens seem to use a civilized way of speaking. Really, I've never really thought about this until you brought it up, but I'm glad you did, and I really mean that. I think I'll keep that in mind from now on.
And by the way, I've already got Part to my new series typed ready to send. It will be coming soon.
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Jinkaiden-XI
10:21 pm | September 10, 2003
This is getting out of hand.
Brendan and Sergeant B, you two must be the biggest jokers I've ever encountered. I can see if you think the use of the Spartan of master Chief in a story is bad, but it isn't your decision to make. Personally, I think you two are nothing more than spammers who come here for attention.
The Spartan/Master Chief is part of what makes Halo what it is. I don't care if one is used or not, it doesn't change the story one bit to me.
I've never had to speak this way before on this site, and I do not want to again.
But please, lay off.
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Wado
9:23 pm | September 10, 2003
Well Scribe, very nice story telling. Now that this is over, what's next?
When a story is as well written as this I usually take an extra effort to see anything major that might be an issue. It is a hit or miss process and either way I say you have great writing talent.
So on with the bad. A minor thing but I was slightly bothered by your use of viewpoint characters in a political sense. What I mean is that when the Marines are involved you referred to Covenant as "beasts" (Hunters in this story and Elites in the last). I have no problem with that but then when the Covenant are looking at Marines you refer to them as "humans" instead of let's say "devils".
What I mean is that you are painting a polical picture where as the enemy are mindless creatures but you don't do the same when it is the Covenant point of view. Should they not equally think of us humans as something terrible?
You can either call Covenant "warriors" instead of "beasts" or something like that or give the Covenant equivalent degrading names for humans.
Be aware that this "fairness" is the balance that makes the story believeable for the viewpoint character (the character that the point of view is based on, which can change throughout the story).
Well other than that, I think you did a great job on this series although I caught only the last parts of it. Congratulations.
Cheers
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Wiley
9:16 pm | September 10, 2003
No prob.
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gruntkiller
8:29 pm | September 10, 2003
you can use the master cheif i some interesting ways, i used him in the first chapter of fallen angel, but he was killed. but he still had some involvement wiht the rest of the series youll have to read it to see what it is though im to lazy to explain
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The Scribe
8:13 pm | September 10, 2003
Thank you, Wiley, thank you, pooman.
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pooman
7:12 pm | September 10, 2003
get published great story 1000000000000000000000/10
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Wiley
7:08 pm | September 10, 2003
I would like to make an announcement.
This is to Seargent B's Lover, Breandon:
Up yours! Ass.
Thank You
9.8/10
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The Scribe
7:06 pm | September 10, 2003
*longest
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The Scribe
6:52 pm | September 10, 2003
I'm gonna have to go with 'Nosolee. Since WHEN did Spartans become bullshit? Do you not realize that the whole entire Halo universe revolves around Spartans? When I think of Halo, the first thing that usually comes to mind is a Spartan (or MC). Hey, without the MC or Spartans Halo would be shit. It would be down there with some of the other 8.0's games. But becasue of a good storyline and the MASTER CHIEF, who might I remind you is a SPARTAN, it is one of the highest rated games in all of the games ever made for Xbox. I have also read most of the stories in FanFic history, and they envolve the MC as a main character, and they are good. By the way, Sergeant B, we aren't stupid. As Alpha Lance said, you're the same person. *Dumbass*.
However, enough of all this quarrel, I would like to thank:
Hornet34
Mr. Bill
Alpha Lance
Vi3tl3l3oi 023
These ppl gave some of the best comments and I know a couple of them as expierienced Halo FanFic writers, so I'm mainly going to listen to calm and un-childish comments unlike the ones some of you gave. Now I'm going to stop typing, because this is probably the lonest post in FanFic histroy. Lol.
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MasterGrunt
11:53 am | September 10, 2003
Well bill I'm just saying you got a lot of work ahead of. Making an MC story look good is gonna be pretty hard. I think the reason people don't like MC stories is because they are to common. But hey who knows maybe you will turn out really good MC story
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hornet34
11:49 am | September 10, 2003
Most assuredly, a good story with the Master Chief can be quite entertaining. Read Wado's new story or any of his older series, and you'll find great examples. I usually discourage it though because for the most part newbies try pathetically to use him, and it has given MC stories a bad stigma. But if you're up to the challenge, go ahead.
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Mr. Bill
11:13 am | September 10, 2003
You DO realise that a story with a Spartan CAN be done. Infact I'm doing one RIGHT NOW to prove it.
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MasterGrunt
11:00 am | September 10, 2003
I'd have to agree with everyone else. STAY AWAY FROM THE MASTER CHIEF. I don't think I can make myself any clearer
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Vi3tl3l3oi 023
2:15 am | September 10, 2003
well... hmm you should work on your dialogue more and your sentence structure... other than that... its ok
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'Nosolee
12:16 am | September 10, 2003
*MC
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'Nosolee
12:12 am | September 10, 2003
Since when did Spartans become bullshit. Hell, one of the main characters in my series is a Spartan (still getting around to pt. 13, sorry for the extremely long wait). If he can write well and formulate a good story involving M, then I think its ok.
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Alpha Lance
9:20 pm | September 9, 2003
Alright for one, Sergant B is Brendan, just look at the time between each comment.
Sergeant B
11:39 AM | September 9, 2003
Never use the Master Chief or Spartan ever again dude.
__________________________________________________
Brendan Harther
11:39 AM | September 9, 2003
Yup. This is bullshit
__________________________________________________
Sergeant B
11:39 AM | September 9, 2003
Master Cheif and Spartans in a story are really bad story. If you make a story with it, it changes the influence on you as a writer.
__________________________________________________
Each one was posted at the same time. And both of there personality are the same. They always say "This is bullsh!t."
Just look on my comment column.
And this is great, and you can use the Chief if you want to. Besides, Sergant B just hatin. (9.5/10) And it would be nice to indent. But it was great, keep it up.
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I_Love_You_Bungie
8:42 pm | September 9, 2003
I loved your series and look forward to the next one but i agree dont use a spartan.And the end seems to fizzle out rather than went out with a bang.Maybe you should have elaborated on the final battle a bit.
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Sergeant B
6:34 pm | September 9, 2003
Scribe, I have to apoligize for Brendan. He sends his regrets to you. But, you know. Using a Spartan or Master Chief is bullshit.
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hornet34
4:26 pm | September 9, 2003
I usually have to agree that using the Master Chief is a rookie mistake, but you write good stories with very few gramatical mistakes, so it doesn't bother me too much. If possible, though, try using a marine or another soldier for your main character, because in this story there was nothing really that made it exclusive that only the Master Chief could have been the main character. Still, very good work. 9.2/10
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Sergeant B
10:39 am | September 9, 2003
Master Cheif and Spartans in a story are really bad story. If you make a story with it, it changes the influence on you as a writer.
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Brendan Harther
10:39 am | September 9, 2003
Yup. This is bullshit.
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Sergeant B
10:39 am | September 9, 2003
Never use the Master Chief or Spartan ever again dude.
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