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Comments for 'The Fall of Reach: A Marine's Story of Survival' |
A Fan
4:42 am | June 26, 2004
^______^ no rush ^_____^ I was typing fast^_____^
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A Fan
3:34 am | June 26, 2004
on rush but .....update soon ^_______^
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The NEW Zak
12:16 am | June 19, 2004
Thanks for your comments, oh, and what does it take to be a regular around here.
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343 Salty Beans
4:06 am | June 18, 2004
Oh, and twinkie is lharvest. I got an email with a [sarcasm] mysterious [/sarcasm] attachment from him after I flamed him. Needless to say, I deleted it. He was pretty mad at me, and impersonated me too. After the flamewar, Louis edited most of his comments, thank God. Anyone who came across HBO in the few hours those were there must've thought the place was awful!
He's a dorkwad. If you see him again, tell him to go to hell.
343SB
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343 Salty Beans
4:03 am | June 18, 2004
You need to work on using pronouns and other names for Johansen besides "Johansen". For instance, in my series, when I refer to John, I can also say "The Spartan", etc. One good replacement would have been "the Marine". I know this sounds whack, but makes the story flow smoother in the reader's mind.
Besides that, there were a few grammatical errors, and you needed to combine some of your sentences. One of the last paragraphs seemed really choppy because of the short sentences.
Of all the things I do, I think I like nitpicking the best.
343SB
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Solidus Snake
7:53 pm | June 16, 2004
Well he didn't e-mail me so I wouldn't have known his e-mail.
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Sean
5:47 pm | June 16, 2004
Good story but did you even read the book? Elites don't even sound like that but over-all a fun story just need to work on the facts.
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Mainevent
4:10 pm | June 16, 2004
The e-mail gave him away. That and he admitted to it afterwards.
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Solidus Snake
11:36 am | June 16, 2004
Oh wait I see, in Black Knights story he didn't space after his puncuation like Twinkie. And Twinkie was going on about the Pseudocode and how to use it and crap. Then I remember seeing a comment where Twinkie said his story is delayed because of the Pseudocode. Or something like that... lol.
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Solidus Snake
11:33 am | June 16, 2004
Oh, and Main, how'd you figure out it was Black Knight as Twinkie?
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Solidus Snake
11:31 am | June 16, 2004
Hmm... forgot comma maybe, "....all Spartans, Charlie through Sierra...."
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Nick Kang
11:20 am | June 16, 2004
I see you used the code this time, although you should make more than one indentation per story. And it looks like this was originally a first-person POV, seeing as how 'me and the other Marines clambored onto the 'hog. Johansen manned the LAAG.'
And the grammar could use a small amount of polishing. Overall it's a great improvement over your other work.
NK
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Nick Kang
11:20 am | June 16, 2004
No, Solidus, I don't think that's how Main figured out Twinkie is Black Knight and vice versa. Read Blackknight's story down the list. His email is 'lharvest'. Yesterday didn't a bunch of people say they were emailed by twinkie at the name 'lharvest'?
NK
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Helljumper
11:11 am | June 16, 2004
Spartans Charlie through Sierra, stand by to repel boarders, Covenant craft Battalion too large to calculate
what?
oh boy i'm not event going to touch this.. MCC where u at
ODST
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romac1991
12:23 am | June 16, 2004
looks good Zak
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Mainevent
9:09 pm | June 15, 2004
Black Knight is Twinkie.
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Wiley
8:42 pm | June 15, 2004
Oh, just one thing. New paragraph whenever someone different speaks
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Wiley
8:40 pm | June 15, 2004
Very nice. Great improvement.
8/10
Lol...the 1000 word story with no periods? that was probably twinkie and "The blue monkey". What an embarrasment to HBO
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Jessica
8:29 pm | June 15, 2004
Good story...although you might want to look over some of your punctuations again...and your paragraphs...besides that, you should have used a different name...
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