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Comments for 'Tides of Destruction (part 2, Invasion)' |
teemus
7:57 pm | December 20, 2003
Thanks for the post Helljumper, when is your next story coming out?
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Helljumper
7:30 pm | December 20, 2003
Marines kicking ass, keep it up
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Awacar
9:06 am | December 20, 2003
Do that and I'll really enjoy your next story.
Keep it up!
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teemus
3:17 am | December 20, 2003
Thanks for the Post. I will try to fix up on the sentences and the commas and stuff.
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Awacar
6:24 pm | December 19, 2003
Good, but something takes the edge off this story. I cant put my finger on it, but it might have something to do with the tempo, it feels as if someone has compressed action as much as he could in this story, but having the sentences paying the price for it. It feels as if you sometimes broke the senteces apart, and didn't had glue to bring them together. The red line isn't here.
The story is action packed, and mostly well decribed, but the, in my oppinion, lack of commas, "broken senteces" and too much action instead of details, sometimes made me feel that I had to read faster. I don't like that feeling.
Sorry about the critisism, overall, this is a good fic, its battle rocks! 82%
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