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Comments for 'A Jackal named Bird (comedy)' |
The Golden Child
10:17 am | April 25, 2004
This was the shittest hunk of crap I have ever read in my entire life.
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The Razor
3:18 pm | April 11, 2004
That was god, not the best for the first time and it was god to se yet another comedy.I'm workig on one myself.
8/10 for the first time ;)
6/10 for an comedy :\\
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The Razor
3:18 pm | April 11, 2004
That was god, not the best for the first time and it was god to se yet another comedy.I'm workig on one myself.
8/10 for the first time ;)
6/10 for an comedy :\\
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IAmDelta
6:27 pm | April 10, 2004
Errr...I'm trying to decide how to approach this. Bluntly, that was crap. Politely, that could use some work. Mockingly, your grammar was more amusing than the story. And kindly, let me tell you how to improve:
Story - No matter how good a writer you are, you can't write a story if...there is no story. A story is only "too much hassle" if you have no idea what you are trying to say. If you have an idea, it's actually quite enjoyable turning your thoughts into words others can understand.
Grammar - Indent your paragraphs; makes it easier to read. Use correct verb tenses. I don't know how much schooling you have had, but it doesn't take much to realize that "The Covenant SAW us humans..." and "they DECIDE to". The first is past tense, the second present. It looks and reads weird. You also had a lot of fragments. Proof read and fix this stuff.
Attitude - If you come into a story saying how much it sucks it makes us wonder a) why did you write it then? and b) why are we reading it? If you know something sucks, saying please give me suggestions would be a better way to go about it than saying (I'm paraphrasing) "I know this sucks don't tell me". And I'm not going to say anything about that paragraph at the end.
That should give you enough to work on for now. If you don't feel like it, I'd recommend you don't post, as 28 stories in an update is more than enough.
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someone that you dont know
1:06 pm | April 10, 2004
ya i should have had more stuff on "Bird" but im not writer material. Maybe i should just stick to poems. writing stories are just too mcuh hassle
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Nick Kang
10:15 am | April 10, 2004
Not really a comedy about Bird, but a comedy from the narrarator. It made me chuckle a few times, especially the part:
"Human forces eventually captured Bird. He was questioned but was later released because he couldn't speak English."
lol that was funny.
I also like the last 'paragrph'.
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