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Comments for 'Innocence: Memories (Part II)' |
russ687
3:25 am | June 29, 2004
Very good, but mistakes scatted across the story. Otherwise, remember this:
Don't mkae your stories dependant on action scenes. And don't think the success of your story relies on action. Rather, build the action off of the emotion, setting, characters, etc. Good stories are not ones where blood is the most common word, so don't be afraid to write on a different level.
Don't get me wrong, though, action is essentail :)
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Dave Luck
1:15 am | June 27, 2004
Symbolism! Allusion! Religious significance!
Not much, but it's better than blind action. A few grammatical errors, but it flowed fairly well. Some repitition, but better than most of the crap you see up here.
- Dave.
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Shifty
7:57 pm | June 26, 2004
*sigh* 343SB always giving me that extra thing to work on... lol thanks. Now all I gotta do is get my hands on a thesaurus. Time to get crackin on the next one
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Young Gunna
7:26 pm | June 26, 2004
I agree with 343SB as the problem with the short choppy sentences, but it is a good story and a very interesting one at that. It reminds me of the movies signs, hehe. Keep up the work and work on finding new words, even if they mean the same thing. 9.4/10
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343 Salty Beans
7:14 pm | June 26, 2004
Interesting philosophy, but short, choppy sentences and repetitive nouns (particularly "cross" and "skin") made it hard to flow.
343SB
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Shifty
2:22 pm | June 26, 2004
Still not alot of action... just building up the emotional character that he has become. It might seem to drag on, but bear with me. Next part/chapter will introduce action so dont worry, it's coming.
I took in what many of you have told me from my previous entry and tried to build on that (thank you). I'm new and I know it, I'm just learning what there's to learn, so construtive critisisim is more then welcome.
Shifty
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