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Comments for 'Island Force' |
retardedmonkey
2:51 pm | February 20, 2004
ok iamdelta what is your email i will send the next to you
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Dispraiser
4:59 am | February 19, 2004
You bring shame to writing. No need for me to repeat what the others have said. Just go to your English teacher and ask for help.
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IAmDelta
4:39 am | February 19, 2004
What those guys said... If you're having trouble find somebody to edit/revise your stories. If you want you can email them to me and I'll do it. Your writing is so bad it makes me sad and I want to help. Quite seriously...how much do you read? It seems to me you would know this was bad if you had read good writing. Oh well. Once again, good luck.
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Alpha Lance
11:51 pm | February 18, 2004
Yes, I applaud for keeping your cool, sucka... lol.
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retardedmonkey
10:56 pm | February 18, 2004
thanks for those tips chris and forerunner i keep my cool because it doesnt bother me they give me tips and i make better stories and mc i will use the tips ;-)
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MC's Cousin
3:04 pm | February 18, 2004
I wish Halo had been out when I was in eigth grade. Drat. Keep trying, but please if you try again, use the tips we give you.
Signing Off
MCC
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Mainevent
3:51 am | February 18, 2004
I have a tip. If you're not a good writer, don't write. Send me money...
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a guy
2:55 am | February 18, 2004
You know, retarted monkey is a really good name for you because you write like one.
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FOrunnER
2:55 am | February 18, 2004
I actually applaud you. Not for the story, but for taking all this bashing and not ever once losing your cool. Most new writers would have said by now, "W3ll yo'z sux's t2 & yo m0mma f@t", or something equally as stupid.
(P.S. I wrote this exact same thing in your other story)
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Chris Luchterhand
2:23 am | February 18, 2004
For Pete's sake, learn how to write!!
I couldn't even tell what was happening!
But, it was a good try! I'm not trying to be
mean or anything, but there are a few things i'll
show you:
1. Use periods! The story can't just be a big fat
blob of words!
2. Quotations would help. People who read actually
like to know who's talking. So instead of:
I can't shake em'.Hold on!!.Dang it!I'm coming!!
Do this:
"I can't shake em'" yelled Jim. "Hold on!!"
screamed Kimmy. "Dang it!!" yelled Bob as a plasma beam hit his ship's wing. "I'm coming!!"
shouted Kimmy over the intercom.
Try that and you'll have a good story with some
good comments!! Okay!!
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retardedmonkey
2:14 am | February 18, 2004
thanks kino and im in 8th grade ive just never been good at writing but i try
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Kinotrica
1:32 am | February 17, 2004
Hey retardedmonkey. Good story.
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wow...
11:21 pm | February 16, 2004
Please... learn english... plse! both of your stories are horrible on the eyes... not to mention utterly confusing as to whats speech or whats text... maybe after the seventh grade you'll learn how to really write.
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Alpha Lance
10:48 pm | February 16, 2004
My advice to you, is, never write again. Or we'll kill you.
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MC's Cousin
10:34 pm | February 16, 2004
What he said. I can't even read that the way its put. I can't tell a sentence from someone talking. Uh...please don't fo that. I'd really love to read your story and see where you're going, but even the first few "sentenses" hurt my eyes.
Signing Off
MCC
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GLADIATRRR3000
7:16 pm | February 16, 2004
if your dad was an english teacher, he would beat you every day.
1. quotation marks help people understand who's actually talking, making sure that it's not narrarative.
2. new paragraph after each person talks. that way no confusion over who is talking.
3. indent. it's easier on the eyes.
for example...
hey bob. hi steve. how's it going? its good. hows your wife?
now, put it in english...
"Hey Bob." said steve.
"Hey steve." said bob.
"How's it going?" asked steve.
"It's good." responded bob. "How's your wife?"
easier to read, isnt it?
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