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Comments for 'war on planet Hedge IV- Part 1- nigotiating' |
IAmDelta
5:01 am | February 19, 2004
Sorry bud, but the general consensus is correct. This could be improved a great deal. As MCC said (I'm saying that a lot, lol) the Spartan attitude was not right at all (at least if you are going by the books). I also doubt they would be playing poker. If you were relating a story about marines, the poker scene might have been acceptable if it was well written. As it is, you struck out with that one. Not sure what to say... You can always work on your grammar, but I'm not going to tell you what you could get from a third grade textbook. Better luck next time.
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Sarge
12:42 pm | February 17, 2004
It wasn't the WORST Ive read...
And how many books u read start off with action...
It was okay nothing to write home about...
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Nick Kang
2:14 pm | February 16, 2004
Well, not to rub it in, but your lack of action and having the story start off with the Spartans playing poker just didn't grab my attention.
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Mainevent
3:33 am | February 16, 2004
Your lack of capitalization in the name, as well as mispelling 'negotiation' both led me to read another story.
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Traumatised Marine
6:38 pm | February 15, 2004
Planet 'Hedge' I thought was witty, and as for 'Read them and wheap,' that genuinely made me laugh out loud.
(Not in a good way. This is bull.)
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CoLd Blooded
12:44 pm | February 15, 2004
I'm sorry, but this stuff just isn't worth reading.
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MC's Cousin
12:20 pm | February 15, 2004
Well from what was there I think you need to work on sentence structure and capitilization. Plus, I hope you came up with "Hasily" because if you were referring to Doc Halsey, I'll have to look you up for a severe beating. Further, the attitude you put on the Spartans was not right. Almost like that rifle training thinkg I read.
Keep trying.
Signing Off
MCC
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Alpha Lance
1:39 am | February 15, 2004
WTF, sorry man, I'm not wasting my time reading this.
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