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pooman
6:56 pm | August 14, 2003
im writin a new series
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pooman
3:36 pm | August 14, 2003
srry thanks for the comments
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GET WITH IT BRO
1:59 pm | August 14, 2003
Honestly, CDs????? Think of something new, cds will never be that far into the future. That threw the story off for me. Other than that, everything is grate--- I mean great, werk(work) on the spelling.
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pooman
11:54 am | August 14, 2003
ya i thought doin the peace sign was a little stupid, sorry bout my spelling and grammer and spelling spartan wrong thanks for the comments
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GLADIATRRR3000
11:08 am | August 14, 2003
this is your first one? us teenagers seem to do well on their first stories. (im 14)
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Spartan 117
2:06 am | August 14, 2003
it's S-p-a-r-t-a-n, darn it, not spartin or spartain... and a spartan doing a peace sign? please, a little more realistic next time. it was a good story though, you should develop the settings a bit more. 7.5/10
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pooman
12:21 am | August 14, 2003
thanks everybody it helps alot i mean it, i will try way harder on the next chapter
lol,GLADIATRRR3000
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Hawk7886
10:37 pm | August 13, 2003
A very good start, glad to see you aren't pointlessly flaming someone for saying you messed up in some places. My comments are similar, Capitalization and spelling errors abound. Can't wait to see if you take advice from this page. Good luck with the next one.
7/10
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pooman
6:43 pm | August 13, 2003
dont give up on The Sarge!
remember im only 13
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pooman
4:42 pm | August 13, 2003
ok thanks agent shade next chapter will be better i promise
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Agent Shade
4:14 pm | August 13, 2003
well pooman, a good attempt at a story, however there were too many spelling errors to count, lots of grammar problems (new paragraph when someone new speaks) you spaced your paragraphs out well though, which made the story flow easily...it was also a little confusing with the 5 days before the crash and stuff. go into more detail about that and work on spelling and grammar, then you're story will be great, keep it up 7/10
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