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Alias
12:58 pm | March 4, 2004
Well I didn't want the dialogue to be EXACTLY the same...I don't know why, I just didn't.
I realize your point, but not in my defense, I think if the pilots of the longsword saw the stream of green smoke rising from the ground, theyd surely spot the giant fifty-foot plasma cannon mounted on top of the building, so he wouldn't have to throw it that far.
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CoLd BlooDed
12:02 pm | March 4, 2004
Also "bring smoke" is like...well, yeah, what Jamirus said, but Sergeant Banks couldn't throw a smoke grenade to where the artillery was, escpecially in his weakened state.
Besides, why would he throw a smoke grenade if he already gave them the co-ordinates? Makes ya think...
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CoLd BlooDed
12:00 pm | March 4, 2004
I also spotted some other dialogue errors too. But that one was the one I recognized the most.
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CoLd BlooDed
1:21 am | March 4, 2004
I see, well, it was still good, and I'll be reading future stories of yours. :D
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Jamirus99
10:18 pm | March 3, 2004
"Smoke" as in: "We sure smoked 'em!"
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Alias
9:06 pm | March 3, 2004
I thought he said Green Smoke, and then threw a smoke grenade so the Longswords would know where to go. How would the fighters 'Bring Smoke'?
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CoLd BlooDed
3:49 pm | March 3, 2004
No, you made a mistake there.
Its "Tech HQ, this is Sergeant Banks! I've got hostile artillery 200 meters north-northeast of my position! BRING smoke, over!"
Just use a hyphon to seperate north-northeast and it was "bring" smoke, not "green" smoke, thats why I found it funny.
Remember to pay closer attention to the E3 Vid. :D
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Alias (Nick Kang)
12:36 pm | March 3, 2004
How is that 'Tech HQ' sentence funny? Its exactly what the guy says in the E3 vid.
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Jamirus99
11:03 am | March 3, 2004
Yeah, there were several dialog pieces that were just...ignored. Also, the guass gun is a magnetically accelerated gun....a mini-MAC, if you will.
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CoLd BlooDed
1:18 am | March 3, 2004
"Tech HQ, this is Sergeant Banks! I've got hostile artillery 200 meters north/northeast of my position! Green smoke! Over!"
I find two things wrong with that sentence, and one of them is funny.
But it didn't seem as choppy as the last story I read of yours, it was good but I saw several spelling errors and grammar problems. Fix it up and take mine (and MCC's) suggestions and you'll stories will really shine.
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MC's Cousin
4:09 pm | March 2, 2004
Fairly accurate. I liked it pretty much. Good detail in some places, but you stil need to add a little special spice to your mix. Keep us wanting you read your future stories. Me, I'm not much of one to read things that I have already sceen. although if they came out with Halo movies I'd fall asleep to them every night. Good effort though from what I saw.
Signing Off
MCC
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