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Comments for 'Plasma Burns and Bullet Shells-chapter 3' |
Hawk7886
4:37 am | October 20, 2003
Schwarzenegger
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Hawk7886
4:35 am | October 20, 2003
I always thought the Terminator movies had plenty of plot . . .
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myth
8:42 pm | October 19, 2003
ya i know but I tried a little more in ch. 4 and ill get better in five
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DaPriester
5:29 pm | October 19, 2003
I think its pretty good writing overall, I'm just not feeling attatched to the characters yet, give a little more backround and describe them more. Try to get in more personality. If you can understand this, theres not enough story in your story, add some plot, you've got the action down great. Its like an Arnold Shwartzenegr(sp?) movie, all action, no plot, average dialogue. Good start though, its very entertaining. ^_^
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Myth
1:42 pm | October 19, 2003
I'll slow down, i kinda need it and I totally wasn't even thinking when I wrote 1:14am, yeah I did meean 13:14
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Javier Fernandez-Vina
12:34 pm | October 19, 2003
I like the story but you are pushing it a bit fast."one week later"At least explain what happened during that week a bit more.
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Hawk7886
7:15 am | October 19, 2003
The few obvious errors here just show that he is human. I think I would want to spit on my story if I shredded it through a spell-checker for the thirty-ninth time.
You are supposed to capitalize every appropriate word in the title. Everything EXCEPT 'the', 'and', 'or', and 'of'. 'The' is the second exception; if it is the starting word of the title.
I like 'Plasma Burns and Bullet Shells', you get plasma burns because the plasma is caseless, you get bullet shells because ammunition casings don't dissappear instantly.
I like how the story is turning out; plenty of action, it just seems like you are pushing it a little fast: Tone it down just a tad ;)
P.S. "Tyrell's mission clock read 1:14am."
Did you mean '13:14'? ;-P
10/10
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Dispraiser
4:42 am | October 19, 2003
Obvious errors caused by a lack of proofreading. Just little gramatical errors, the perfect epitome, your title.
I can't say it is wrong, because you may have meant for it to have rhythm rather than relation, but I think it should be Plasma Burns and Exit Wounds, both are the effect or the thing... Odd, my 2 AM mind seems to have come up with that, but it pertains to nothing in my reasoning... The real thing I was looking to say was that you generally capitalize everything in the title. This is a common gramatical thing, and a commonplace on HBO, but unforgivable.
Proofread, rework, and think everything through and you should be okay, or at least that is what my finger's are typing, at 2 AM on a cold, quiet keyboard, the only rupture of this sanctuary the very keystrokes that have sent you this message. Back to the Matrix Reloaded... (Fifth time seeing it!)
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