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Mr. BIll
5:56 pm | May 2, 2004
You think you're funny, but you're not.
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Wado the second
11:27 am | April 25, 2004
How the hell did you write that much?
It really sucked nuts.
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Mr. BIll
8:46 pm | March 22, 2003
Ouch! Well, I guess we've gotta expect bugs, being the new forms and all.
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TheRedFaction
1:43 am | March 21, 2003
Grr...stupid server...now all the comments and new stories are deleted!
Well, that's okay. I sent in three stories the night before HBO died. I have a forth, fifth, and even a sixth waiting for the submission form to get back online...
TheRedFaction
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Mr. Bill
11:32 pm | March 17, 2003
Hey, hey: gotta make room for new talent Red. I can't hog the glory for ever.
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TheRedFaction
8:35 pm | March 17, 2003
Sheesh, you're back on Page 4?! You still deserve to be on Page 1. Chance...the only story that I've ever given a 10.0/10.0...whew...what a mindjob.........................................
TheRedFaction
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Mr. Bill
1:23 pm | March 15, 2003
No prob about double posting, these comments ahve already been thrice double posted!
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sunscorpian
11:39 pm | March 12, 2003
woops sorry about double comment. my mistake
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sunscorpian
11:35 pm | March 12, 2003
whoa.............just whoa. a very, very strange and very interseting story. the mysteriousness of it really ads to the wierd, coolness. and who gives a sh*t about errors its just like...whoa.
really makes you think. great job!
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sunscorpian
11:35 pm | March 12, 2003
whoa.............just whoa. a very, very strange and very interseting story. the mysteriousness of it really ads to the wierd, coolness. and who gives a sh*t about errors its just like...whoa.
really makes you think. great job!
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Mr. Bill
4:59 pm | March 7, 2003
I take comfort in the hope that.... next time round.... I'll do better.
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TheRedFaction
11:33 pm | March 4, 2003
Well, I wasn't caring about errors. I was too busy being greatly entertained by your story. I just came across "turing" without knowing it. But, if there's more than that...
TheRedFaction
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Mr. Bill
5:05 am | March 4, 2003
Cripes! And I'm the one who wrote 'erros', when I meant 'errors' :-)
It's to late....
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Mr. Bill
5:03 am | March 4, 2003
Come come now, I spotted more erros then just 'turing'...
I wrote 'He', when I meant 'His'; 'on', when I meant 'one'... and so on.
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TheRedFaction
2:35 am | March 4, 2003
Sorry, folks, my computer screwed up, so it posted that message twice...%#@$**&%$%%#!*%$# computer!
TheRedFaction
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TheRedFaction
2:19 am | March 4, 2003
Mr. Bill: Thanks!
Hey, you're the one who just wrote a virtually flawless (except for that word "turing", which I understand, completely, was meant to be "turning") piece of work. I'm sending something in soon and now I'm afraid it will look pathetic against yours.
TheRedFaction
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TheRedFaction
2:19 am | March 4, 2003
Mr. Bill: Thanks!
Hey, you're the one who just wrote a virtually flawless (except for that word "turing", which I understand, completely, was meant to be "turning") piece of work. I'm sending something in soon and now I'm afraid it will look pathetic against yours.
TheRedFaction
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Mr. Bill
5:53 pm | March 3, 2003
Thanks!
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TheRedFaction
10:45 pm | March 2, 2003
I'm going to skip all the goody-two-shoes comments and be as forthcoming as I can be.
That story, above all else, was absolutely brilliant, excellent, and any other words that can humanely describe a work of art in the form of literature. It was, as most Halo-based stories go, brutal, but ahh, what a spice it adds to life. I wasn't willing to do anything else for the ten-fifteen minutes it took me to read it. (I'm a pretty fast reader when I want to be, so don't be offended.)
So, here's your reward:
Descriptions: 10/10
Story: 10/10
Use of Real Marine/Military terms: 10/10
OVERALL RATING: 10/10 PLUS ABOUT 8,000,000 BONUS POINTS FOR KEEPING ME WANTING MORE.
TheRedFaction
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Mr. Bill
4:48 pm | March 2, 2003
What ever that means....
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Berconius
12:31 pm | March 2, 2003
That intro was Very good. It illustrates different out comes. Although I should be directed into the thought that you are referring to the Master Chief, I can't help but wonder if you are also referring to Damius.
Then again, It could be both since Damius may be the spirit of Master Chief. If he did fail in saving Earth, that may be the reason why he's doesn't bother to fight any more as well as his adept, if not sloppy, nature in dispatching those rebels in the dropship.
Considering that this is NOT a series I must ask you if you are going to write stories that show some background of these characters. I risk sounding like a COMPLETE idiot by doing so since you may have already done so in previos stories... I'm sounding like that complete idiot now, aren't I.
-Berconius
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Mr. Fish
4:00 am | March 2, 2003
screw those commie bastards and their wussy space station
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Mr. Bill
3:24 am | March 2, 2003
Arthur Wellesly:
Yah, I have put a lot of thought into it. Maybe to much, if you know what I mean :-)
Berconius:
You sound like anything BUT an idiot. You've hit the nail right on the head infact. As Wellesly pointed out, you can get some background form my other stories, but not the whole story, as there is no such thing suffice to say. Take the intro how ever you like it, but just remeber: the immortal can change anything should they choose, the mortal can only slow down events set in stone.
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Arthur Wellesly
1:12 pm | March 1, 2003
Don't be so hard on yourself, Berconius! However, upon looking at some of the other stories Bill has written (at this point I have yet to read them), there are some interesting titles that do, indeed, seem to be linked to this story. (The Spirit, Damuis, probably others).
To Bill:
Yes, your vision of the future IS quite different from my own. I like it :). You've obviously put a lot of thought into the whole idea.
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Mr. Bill
4:25 am | March 1, 2003
Wado:
Thanks for the comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and, trust me, I'll try to aviod as many unessacary fragments (like those in the intro) next time round.
Arthur Wellesly:
Hmm...
Yes, the way I envision the Halo universe is rather differnt from the next man. I try to imagine a chaotic world, where mankind is stretched across the stars by odd technology only half understood (FTL). Thus, I assume that there would be, litterally, trillions of humans, and, as such, massive armies. Actaully though, get ready for a shock, ten million isn't that much. And this is an Amry Group I'm refering to, composed of entire armies (for refernce, during world war two, the German Army Groups were around one to five hundred thousand strong. And that was a country with mere millions. We're talking about trillions here.
About series: No this is not a series. It's a stand alone story, to be read in one part. However, I try to create some linking within my other stories, so, yes, you can read a bit more about the characters- but don't consider it a series. :-)
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Arthur Wellesly
3:02 am | March 1, 2003
I can't stress enough how much I liked this story, and how much I am interested to know exactly what happened.
I have only two suggestions:
1) Watch out for the use of then/than and some other minor grammer errors.
2) Your figures, respectfully, seem rather high. Ten million in one army? And it's the 8th? That's a lot of soldiers! Of course, this can't be a real complaint, because your vision of the future must be quite different from my own.
The above comments, however, were clearly overpowered by both your plot structuring/ideas and your excellent writing style. Keep it up.
P.S. Am I right in assuming there will be more to this series? (There's no "Part 1" in the title is why I ask).
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Wado
4:48 pm | February 28, 2003
Hey Mr. Bill, no problems with me. I was only making a suggestion. You know when I have to dig so deep to make a constructive comment, the writing must be excellent. :)
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Mr. Bill
2:55 pm | February 28, 2003
I see where your comming from Wado.
I agree, the best of writers can write without the use of 'campy' start stops. However, I am not the greatest of writers, obvuisly, and so I like to use my own style. And, yes, that does include sentance fragments.
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el_halo_diablo
12:38 pm | February 28, 2003
I liked it. So i looked at the other stories you wrote, and you go quite a ways back. Good to see you're still here :).
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Mr. Bill
12:27 pm | February 28, 2003
In answer to your question Wado:
Yes, this is Mr. Bill of Zenith.
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Wado
7:14 am | February 28, 2003
Well I read it. Excellent.
I have only one complaint, but I'm not sure how to word it. Basically, you could improve on your grammar, particularly work on reducing the many sentence fragments.
The reason I have trouble saying this is that I write better when writing in fragments -- having to worry about perfect grammar seems to slow down the creative process. I also don't want to say anything bad about your writing style which seems excellent.
However, looking at many great writers (who do have editors and proof-readers working for them), I have to say that they write with much better grammar than most people. So it is quite a gift not only to write excellent stories but also to write excellent stories using good grammar. I won't call a writer a great writer until they can write excellent stories and with good grammar -- it shows not just intelligence and creativity, but also a grasp of the language. To me it is another level of writing to be able to do all this.
Now I don't mean perfect grammar for poetry or dialog (people talk the way they do), I'm referring more to novels; for example, the LOTR, FOR, etc.
I hope I'm making sense and giving you some useful feedback.
Again, your story was excellent.
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Mr. Bill
7:23 pm | February 27, 2003
And I thank you!
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Anonymous
7:02 pm | February 27, 2003
Brilliant. Took me a while to read it all but I was pretty much griped throughout. I usually dislike this type of technique. Too descriptive for me, but yours was nicely toned down. No real suggestions on your writing style (which is oozing with professionalism) and you structure is, I dare say, perfect. Your battle sequences and character interaction especially. I don't know what to do but give you praise. You certainly deserve it after that pretty amazing piece of writing.
Sorry that I couldn't suggest anything helpful.
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Wado
6:47 pm | February 27, 2003
Is this the Mr. Bill of Zenith?
Well I have to say the writing is beautiful. I just read the first part, I'll have to read the rest later when I have more time, then I can give you more useful comments hopefully.
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