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Comments for 'THe Fall of the Covenant- Chapter 1' |
Jetboogieman
6:20 pm | February 19, 2004
Well its better than mine is going to be
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feild marshall
4:44 am | October 24, 2003
sweet story
whens your next story
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pooman
1:26 am | September 6, 2003
everyone's saying cheers LOL i liked the story
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Wado
3:27 am | September 4, 2003
Lots of typos in this story. Please take more time reviewing and editing your story next time.
The comments written by others on your story are excellent. I particularly like DUDE's comment: "Be sure that the Covenant has a serious strike back though, if we could just kick their ass there would be no Halo........." Very nicely put DUDE.
Since this is your first story and you have so many excellent comments on it already, I'm going to just say keep writing, you are pretty good. After you have a few more stories written, I'll be able to give better constructive comments.
So anyway, keep up the writing and if you don't write too much, too fast, I might actually be able to keep up and review some of them. Looking forward to reading more from you, cheers.
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DUDE
6:36 pm | September 3, 2003
Keep going with this as a series. There is a good storyline to build from. If you need to, use flashbacks to tell how the technology was taken(since everyone is bitching about it). Be sure that the Covenant has a serious strike back though, if we could just kick their ass there would be no Halo.........
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Hikaru-119
12:54 pm | September 3, 2003
Alittle too much on the giving humans Covenant technology in such a short time, but over all good story. I rank it as good as mine. (9.7/10) Kepp up your good work.
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Dispraiser
11:18 am | September 3, 2003
Most are pretty bad about taking comments, especially bad ones. But it seems like most of the people I left comments for today seemed to be fine with em.
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Hunter_Killer
11:18 am | September 3, 2003
I like it, except for a few little Grammatical Snags. =) 10/10
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Mike
12:38 am | September 3, 2003
I like the idea a lot. But one thing caught me offguard, really small just a technical thing.
You don't say sir to an enlisted man, even if he is a Master Cheif, or a Senior Cheif, or even just a Petty Officer. Only say sir to officers.
But really good.
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LostRock
12:25 am | September 3, 2003
I'm excited for the next chapter of this story. This is some good stuff.
Though I don't usually like to advertise, I'd thought I'd just let you in on the status of my fanfic.
I have not yet started the next chapter, but you can check at my new blog ( http://www.xanga.com/private/home.aspx?user=Segel ) from time to time for updates. Later.
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Alpha Lance
12:00 am | September 3, 2003
Yeah alot of people get mad at comments. Besides, geting comments that show me what I did wrong make me a better writter.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy
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Someone2die
10:55 pm | September 2, 2003
Very nice. Watch grammer and the use of the Master Cheif and you'll kick some ass
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hornet34
9:57 pm | September 2, 2003
Well, Dispraiser, you made that quote way back when I was a newbie, and since it was the first piece of constructive criticism I had got, it stuck with me. Glad to see you adding your input again, a lot of writers could use a little extra help.
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Alpha Lance
9:39 pm | September 2, 2003
Hay that was good, 9.5/10. And pluse, I was once the new guy to write. And slowly my fic got better. But, your story was better than my when I first writed. Hornet and Dispraiser pretty much cleared every thing up. So keep up the good work newbie. Tell me if you don't want me to call you a newbie. And I'm probaly still am a newbie too. And I also probaly spelled probaly wrong. lol. And read my series, 'Halo Trilogy'.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy
Yes my story is copyrighted, and tes I got this from JCDenton. Which is also a very good writter. And that copyright sign looks so cool.
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Dispraiser
7:08 pm | September 2, 2003
Aside from some spelling and gramatical errors (capitalization) I can see few GRAMATICAL problems with this. I will list a few others...
1.) You're a newbie so you get a grace period, but with the fanfic submission form you need to add [indent] to get an indent. Look at Wu's guide.
2.) This really isn't the start of a series. In the beggining of this one they are invading the Covenant planet with no mention (so far) to how they found the Covenant planet or when.
3.) "I know it sounds stupid, but I did the same thing with my first fanfic and had someone (I think Dispraiser) point out that he's solely Bungie's character. Therefore, whatever Bungie says he does is right, and whatever you say he does is therefore inherently wrong."
Yep, that's me. I never use anything that could later be proven wrong by Bungie aside from on small technicalities. Stay away from MC and you're safe and original. Actually Hornet, you came damn close to a quote from what I always say... Glad to see someone listens...
Anyways, I don't give numbers, but if youw ant to improve your fanfic I will give you two more tips. The first is to indent, and the second is to reread your fanfic. If it is good you won't even realize that you're reading it until you're done then you'll realize you just got sucked into it. Use that to proofread out errors and extra sapces...
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MasterGrunt
5:22 pm | September 2, 2003
It isn't to bad except for the covenant technolgy and all.
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hornet34
5:13 pm | September 2, 2003
Wow, I was about to criticze you for some inconsistencies, such as the rather small Covenant fleet defending their home world. But, as this is your first time, I have to say that I am thouroughly impressed.
Your writing suggest that this isn't your first short story, just your first fanfic. You rushed the battle a little, and didn't give the reader a lot of background as to how the tides of war had shifted to the point where the UNSC was on the attack, but the dialogue was good and the story had a nice flow.
Spend more time on your stories and develop the action a little more, and you will have a great story on your hands. Also, just a tip. If possible, try not to use the Master Chief in your stories. I know it sounds stupid, but I did the same thing with my first fanfic and had someone (I think Dispraiser) point out that he's solely Bungie's character. Therefore, whatever Bungie says he does is right, and whatever you say he does is therefore inherently wrong.
Besides all that, the story is probably the best newbie fanfic I've read since Traumitised Marine made his first post.
Sorry about taking up so much space, I tend to rant. Where's Wado and Walker, someone else has gotta take a look at this.
9.1/10
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Brendan Harther
2:29 pm | September 2, 2003
I like it a lot. I second what GGGU said. I also think if you can make your story better. Good luck!
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GGGU
10:46 am | September 2, 2003
Hey, this is great stuff. All that it needs is some spelling improvement. Not too big of a problem, though. I'd like to read more stories like this.
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