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Comments for 'Halo: 11th Strategic Interceptor Wing: Training' |
Dispraiser
1:12 am | April 7, 2003
"And about the dialogue, its my first post, so lay off"
These comments are psoted after you post the fanfic and they are clearly not for the purposes of fixing this chapter of the fanfic. Each of these posts is here so that you can improve the next part, which will, indeed, be your second post. Would you rather I give a useless comment?
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Steele
3:39 pm | April 4, 2003
Hmmm...what to say? Pretty good. Seems familiar. Keep them up, I'm working on my Chapter 3
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Tommarrow
2:27 am | April 4, 2003
Great job, I really liked the change from ground battle to space combat. I would like you to give more stats on the ships though like soandso pounds of thrust and all that stuff it really helps the dialogue tell more.
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James Kinsella
2:11 am | April 4, 2003
Not all first posts are bad. Read the Just Getting Started series. They are my first posts and they arent bad if I do say so myself.
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LordofDestruction
9:47 pm | April 3, 2003
Actually, humans don't just live on earth, jeesh. Oh well, i forgot to mention that that was the entire U.N.S.C. fleet. And about the dialogue, its my first post, so lay off!
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Dispraiser
8:47 pm | April 3, 2003
INFLATED!!!
- Dialogue is blatant. People don't jsut go "Alright, here is your mission." They have an intro to each statement.
- Drop each number by at least a zero.
+ Good...
+ INTENT TAGS!!!
+ This is your first?
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James Kinsella
7:44 pm | April 3, 2003
The story is good but the numbers were a bit much,"by the other 200,000 fighters used in the initial attack", 200,000 is more metal in ships than there is metal on earth! Awesome flight narration but be a little more realistic next time.
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Dirty Commie
9:34 am | April 3, 2003
THANK YOU! Thank you for making use of the [indent] tag!
I was gonna try my hand at writing a space combat fic, but I suddenly feel very outclassed...
You have a confident writing style, I liked that. My only complaint was the inflated numbers of ships. 800 destroyers!?!?!!? Come on. But that's just me.
Great debut!
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