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Comments for 'The fall of the covenant Part 1(of 3)' |
CoLd BlooDed
11:37 pm | February 24, 2004
Well, there are many other ways to write about the downfall of the Covenant. Making the MC the "Grand General" of Earth made it a tad...unrealistic. Or you should've at least described how he got to the rank of Grand General, details like that make the story a whole lot better.
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Jetboogieman
8:37 pm | February 24, 2004
Well this was my first time and I wanted to come up with something original that no one alse had written about like the fall of the covenant
I expected someone to mention starship troopers because I used a bit of idea from that
Sorry about grammar and punctuation I was rushed had to finish quickly
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CoLd BlooDed
3:58 pm | February 24, 2004
And to Martha_Steward, this is not a "super job", if you look at other peoples work, you'll see how wrong you are. Sorry, but...its kinda true.
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MC's Cousin
11:37 am | February 24, 2004
Well, no, but you know....no, just no. I mean, i'm sure you have good intensions there, but it looks like: (I know I know, but I have to say it this way) you haven't even finished your bridge before letting people crosss it. I think you need to add more story and more effort into your next parts.
Signing Off
MCC
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Dark-NiTE
12:35 pm | February 23, 2004
ummmm....i have nothing to say to this....at all.
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Helljumper
6:51 am | February 23, 2004
I mean was it just me or did this seem too much like the movie Starship Troopers. I mean read it again.
ODST
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Mainevent
3:54 am | February 23, 2004
There is a five-star general, and then general of the army which was abolished after Omar Nelson Bradley retired in 1988. Though it may have been re-established for reasons in this story.
*Not sure if it is already re-instated, heard something about the General of the Army a while back, can't remember what though.
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CoLd BlooDed
2:42 am | February 23, 2004
You DO know that they call the MC because of his rank...right? Since he's a Master Chief Petty Officer... so if he made Grand General I wonder if he would be refered to as that, even though I'm sure you made up that rank.
Try harder and make it more 'real'...
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Thor
2:12 am | February 23, 2004
To me it semed that the punctuation was not all that good, and that it was not very structured.
I think that the writing would be a grade 3 or 4 level but its the content that really shines. All you need is to structure your stories better and this story would be very good.O and the part the beginning is ok, but about the armies of Earth, it seem kind of childish that the bulk of the force would be Spartans and that the MC is the Grand General. I would think that the MC might command the few trained spartans that the humans have. Im sure that the MC would be promoted to, say, a Leuitenant-Colonel.(Typically the aveage rank of an officer that commands a brigade of around 3000 personel.
Content:8/10
Structure:4/10
Overall:7.5?/10
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CoLd BlooDed
1:43 am | February 23, 2004
I like series where the Humans are on the edge of death and struggling to survive. Those stories are more realistic and more interesting.
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Martha_Stewart
10:39 pm | February 22, 2004
Well done my friend. I have to agree with the others about a lack of "under-dogged-ness" if that makes sense. As people we usually like a story about being outnumbered 10-1 and pulling through in a clutch. I really think that you should hit up a little harder on the private, embellish and expand his story. Also it might be interesting to hear the entire story from his point of view, a lowly grunt in the field with no knowledge of the big picture. Kind of an "All Quiet On The Western Front" feel. On the whole superb job on this, I'll be awaiting your next episode, I think you may need more than 3 for this, it could be epic. I tip my hat to you. (feel free to e-mail me about further comments, I like your writing style, jonathanroth@cox.net)
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Hikaru-119
10:30 pm | February 22, 2004
I read this much,
" The master chief is now the grand general of the armies of Earth and now gets ready for the fight of their lives as after many campaigns have finally found the covenant home world. "
and stopped to laugh. I read the rest of the story and it didn't seem to 'click' in the way I like my writing. Keep trying is you best option.
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Deathworks
9:40 pm | February 22, 2004
I like the bulk of it, but it seems too much like they will definently win. No/few downsides on Humans. And a good plot would make it seem hopeless and they somehow win. But maybe the tides will turn in the next part(s).
7/10
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