Comments for 'Titan - Chapter 6'

Yes some paragraphs will end up one sentence long. So I'd like to see you expand on your writing by having more transitions between paragraphs. These transitions could be as little as the word, "Meanwhile" or "In the sky above..." or something longer. Just need some transitions to help the reader change from the focus on one character to something else.

Be more like the director of a movie instead of just the writer. Take control of the camera angles and when to fade in and out or use soft focus. Use more imagery to panning across a battle field to give the user the BIG PICTURE. Where is the main character in relation to those scorpion tanks and the pelicans, etc.

Now to say something about the story -- I think it could be better than it is. The characters seem to be very capable but I think it would be a much better story if they showed more team work. I don't remember once reading about a character providing cover fire for another character. Everyone seems to just do something on their own. Even the ships seem to act alone. One ship might be in battle and another ship might come and help, but they don't seem to be coordinating their attacks. At least I don't see that communication in your stories.

I hope this comment is more useful.

Killing the sound guy in the movie.

He dove down onto the sand to escape all the chaos that followed the attack, he looked to his left and saw that the sniper he was standing next too was dead. Before he knew it bullets were zinging by his head, they were coming from the ,now, enemy marines. Webster opened fired. He fired in a full-auto fusilade spraying EX rounds at the apporaching forces. He took cover to reload and saw the Scorpions engaged in combat with the Pelicans. The Scorpions began to fire at the Pelicans but the slow moving turrets couldn't track them very well, two shells however impacted on two Pelicans and blew them outta the sky.