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Comments for 'The End of the Covenant and The Fall of A Hero.' |
Sage Scorpion
1:36 am | March 4, 2004
First one, eh? Then it was BEAUTIFUL. For a long time fanfic veteran, I would give it about a 7/10, but for a first one, this was brilliant. My first story was as craptacular as could be, so you are already ahead of the game man. 11/10 (for a first story).
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Jagged
2:06 am | March 3, 2004
Sure, you can have it....but you might want to wait till i finish off the rest of the series that's based around it, and i'll redo this one with grammar and the code stuff....
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Jagged
12:56 pm | March 2, 2004
Okay, thank you, again i appreciate the feedback. If you read the preface, it states that this was never intended to become a series, though now it is. I ws just puting a story behind what i think is the best way for the Chief to die if Halo 2 is the last game.
Also, don't expect much from the first of the series, the pcoming one. It's only purpose is to set up for the story line, but you wil miss a key event, so read it anyway, please.
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Mainevent
12:47 pm | March 2, 2004
It wasn't too bad. It wasn't anything higher than a 8 for me. Use the code and work on the grammar. You'll get a better score then.
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Lt. Wolf
12:38 pm | March 2, 2004
Nice... I really liked you fanfic. In most storys the main character, let alone Master Chief, dies at all. You Should keep writing.
9.5/10
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an amazed reader
3:44 am | March 2, 2004
this is an amazing story. i was wondering if i could put it in a book of Halo fanfic i'm putting together? i thought i would ask, rather than just take. ihave one word for this story.
Deep.
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Jagged
1:52 am | March 2, 2004
Oh, and if i feel ambitious, at the end i'll redo this story with your suggestions put in, draw out the sequences a little, and double check the grammar and stuff like that(i don't know what got into me)
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SOS.Odin
10:21 pm | March 1, 2004
personally i dont like the idea of four people killing hundreds. but it was good nonetheless.
the fact that it was one huge chunk of text ALMOST detered me from reading your piece. but i read these comments first and decided it wouldnt be wasting my time. truth is i see potential in you buddy. i DO like the fact that the MC died. Hes dead in mine too. and the whole tense change up thing gets me too. ive been writing on this site for like half a year now and i still write in different tenses. but keep it up buddy. and for HBO's sake PLEASE use the code in ur next ones. PLEASE
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MetalGhost
9:04 pm | March 1, 2004
to everyone who thinks MC cant die. death cant be passed by, even with the augmentation processes, MC was always gonna die of old age anyway
keep writin
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CommanderElite
4:25 pm | March 1, 2004
It was a good story, i thought it would be hokey, (like mine lol) and bad grammar. Though i have to admit i didn't like it as much as these guys, it was a solid story, but like nick said, work on those tenses.
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JJiggssaw
1:48 pm | March 1, 2004
Being one of the younger fan fic writers i don't know if my opinion counts that much, but I thought it was alright. It wasn't fabulous or anything, but it was emotional and the death of the MC made it good. It reminds me of The Last Samurai A LOT with everyone bowing down to John when he dies. If you wanted this could become a great series like Nick Kang said. Nice.
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ToFu
10:20 pm | February 29, 2004
...Dude, wow great job on this dramatic death of John 117,awesome...awesome indeed...
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Shadow
7:36 pm | February 29, 2004
one word dude.......
\\
awesome, thats the only thing i have to say.
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Jumphappy
12:45 pm | February 29, 2004
You got a good story. But I think you're forgetting one thing. The Master Chief isn't supposed to die. Who else is gonna save humanity from the Covenant or Flood in Halo 3?
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Halo_2204
12:40 pm | February 29, 2004
Personally, I think you should start from when they get the mission and how they are able to find the covenant homeworld and get there without dieing. Keep writing!
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Halo_2204
12:40 pm | February 29, 2004
Personally, I think you should start from when they get the mission and tell about how they make it to the Covenant homeworld and how they find the temple. Maybe add a little conflict between the Spartans (just to spice things up a bit). This is a great conclusion to a story, but tell us the whole thing.
~PEACE~
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MetalGhost
9:29 am | February 29, 2004
ill agree that MC aint meant 2 die, but what a way 2 go out eh? id say 9/10
yer story rocks dude
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Jink
1:43 am | February 29, 2004
It's all up to you really, we can't tell you what to or what not to do other than whether or not you should start spamming - believe me, DON'T. This was good, just put [indent] in front of each new paragraph/line of dialogue. Lengthen them up too, it can be disappointing when somethin good ends to quickly. Cheers.
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Nem
1:32 am | February 29, 2004
Its good, crazy shit. One soldier against hunders. The MC the one and only Legends Never Die, yet here is his fall. its a good story but no offense to you.
It would have been better if there was a story or Fan fic where the MC didn't fall. Other wise, 8.5 for good out of 10 for the story
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MC's Cousin
1:07 am | February 29, 2004
Why in the name of Halo would you not want to write more? That's kinda crazy wouldn't you say? Keep writing. It was pretty darn good. Deep too.
Signing Off
MCC
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Jagged
1:05 am | February 29, 2004
How's this? I'll start from the beginning, way back just after earth falls, okay? And as for the Halo 3 comment, this started with what i would like to see happen if he has to die, and i just started to develope the story around it....
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Jagged
11:30 pm | February 28, 2004
Oh, one more thing, do y'all want me to start at the beginning this time, or work backwards to when earth falls?
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Jagged
11:21 pm | February 28, 2004
Yeah, thank you all, i appreciate it. I personally don't think i'm a very good writer, but i'll work on how he gets up to that point.....and no, he will not becomoing back. This was the end of my story.....
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Jon M
7:59 pm | February 28, 2004
You can say that again...LOL.
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The Collector
7:34 pm | February 28, 2004
*Sniff* *Sniff* whyyyyyyyyyyyyy MMMCCCCCCCCCC *Sniff* *Sniff* whyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Very good not bad for a short story. It wasnt long. U should read some of the stories in here. Great job Bro/Girl whatever keep it up
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The Collector
7:34 pm | February 28, 2004
*Sniff* *Sniff* whyyyyyyyyyyyyy MMMCCCCCCCCCC *Sniff* *Sniff* whyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Very good not bad for a short story. It wasnt long. U should read some of the stories in here. Great job Bro/Girl whatever keep it up
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The Collector
7:34 pm | February 28, 2004
*Sniff* *Sniff* whyyyyyyyyyyyyy MMMCCCCCCCCCC *Sniff* *Sniff* whyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Very good not bad for a short story. It wasnt long. U should read some of the stories in here. Great job Bro/Girl whatever keep it up
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Jetboogieman
7:34 pm | February 28, 2004
Good story
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J-117
7:00 pm | February 28, 2004
it was good, though ur title already gives away the ending lol
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Jon M
2:59 pm | February 28, 2004
Long? At the risk of starting out selfish here, You should read my stuff if you want long. (you'll have to do a title search for, "probably no choice" I failed to link mystories together. Oops"
Anyway, that's a great story, but if anything it wasn't long enough, but I can be more specific. You need to d-r-a-w out the sequences. For example, when MC was remembering back to his training on Reach, he just envisions the empty seats and that's it. I was all set up to learn a little more about those days, and then it...evaporated.
This was a great line, "Fighting isn't the same as winning," he replies," Bring on your armies, I swear that you will not pass by me."
I can actually hear MC saying that in that, trundling Dirty Harry voice of his.
Anyway, you got a good thing going..for God's sake don't stop. A writer can stop watching movies and TV, reading magazines, and even eating, but if he stops writing what is he? .... He's an old man who looks back and says, "woulda, coulda, shoulda..."
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Sentinel
2:50 pm | February 28, 2004
.....Nice. One of the few first fanfics that were great. You have great potential.
Sentinel OUT...
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Halo_2204
1:52 pm | February 28, 2004
I thought this was an awesome story. Its one of those few that actually kept me reading tell the end without rolling my eyes and hitting the back button. The only problem I might point out is some grammer issues and indenting your paragraphs. Other than that it really good. I hope you write the prequals to all that like how they got there and why there is only four left. And why they have to do this mission. Keep writing, you got some skill.
~PEACE~
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Nick Kang
12:20 pm | February 28, 2004
Woops accidently hit the post button. That's actually a pretty good story and it would be cool to see another. Lots of detail. Like maybe in the next one have MC wake up in a hospital bed or something.
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Nick Kang
12:18 pm | February 28, 2004
That was a lot better than I thought it would be. One thing though, your tenses are kinda messed up. One part your doing past tense, while another your doing present. And you have to indent. Type [indent] before each paragraph to indent.
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