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Comments for 'Part I Boarding' |
Jester
1:23 am | September 16, 2003
Very cool but like sergeant B said don't use the master cheif it's just not realistic. (Yes i know that these are fan fictions and so not base on real facts anyway) Just alot of people bitch about it including myself.
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Sergeant B
11:29 am | September 12, 2003
Very good man. A little grammar and spelling errors, but like I said, not alot. But a problem in your story is that you're using the Master Chief. I used to say,"Don't use the Master Chief and Spartans.". But, using Spartans is okay if you are up to the complaints, crtisicism, and anger. So, if you are up to the challenge, you can use the Spartans, but if you use the Master Chief, that is a whole other story man. Master Chief in your story is really bad. Only my friend FOrunnER is the one that I know that uses the Master Chief efficiently. But, I hope you know what you're doing man. Good Luck!!
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Wiley
9:39 pm | September 11, 2003
Not too shabby. Need to work on grammer, tho. Genarrly; use of paragraphs was the biggest problem. Use a new paragraph everytime someone new speaks, also run it thru a spell checker or have someone else proofread it. Other than grammer problems was the fact that the ship was too poowerful. Try to tone it down a bit, like having some of the new tech malfunction at the least convient time possible. Not only will this make it more balanced, but readers also like tactics mixed in with the Ass-kicking, and balancing out the ships will help if you want to have the commander use tactics to beat the Covanent, instead of having one super-ship that wipes out everything without a challenge. Oh, and how do you pronounce your name?
9/10
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