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Comments for 'The fall of new york:the clearing' |
Myth
11:19 pm | November 8, 2003
"Grunt" is capitalized also, and use another pronoun than "bo" and where's the Chief in this story, i can't really get the whole picture, but did you get the navy seals idea from plasma burns and bullet shells? All things considered you did a good job, keep it up
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the author
4:03 pm | November 7, 2003
ok i'll try that but i already wrote my second part a and btw how do you space paragraphs? and in answer to the prolouge question i'll do it after the second one.
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Awacar
3:42 pm | November 7, 2003
I agree with Alpha Lance, it's big support to read other stories, look for comments to the readers, etc, etc. I was just stupid enough to not do this BEFORE I submitted my stories. Really listen to these guys, I didn't at first.
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Alpha Lance
12:13 pm | November 7, 2003
Don't hate me, the story was good. But grammer wasn't. I was trying to help, and at the end i said, 'I hope this wan't too harsh.'
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Alpha Lance
6:27 am | November 7, 2003
Listen to these guys. They know what they are doing, plus, we can be big help for the newbies.
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Nemesis
4:23 am | November 7, 2003
okay, my approach to this
you haven't exactly specified where and when this is happening, i don't know if it's before Halo or after Halo or after Halo 2, or something. prologue's are the best for doing that. introduce us to your idea, then expand from it, adding a few twists and turns here and there.
next, indenting...reading one huge paragraph like that is really hard on the eyes. whenever someone new speaks, or a change in scenary, etc. press enter and type in [indent] that will make a new paragraph.
you spelling seemed to be okay, few improvements needed, but grammar needs some work. like i stated, new paragraph everytime someone new speaks and try to italisize the character's thoughts...make it longer too, if this is gonna be a series.
do those things and this story will rock. in no way was i trying to offend you, i'm just offering some suggestions. peace
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Mainevent
3:06 am | November 7, 2003
Pseudocode
USE IT!!
One the sumbission page, where you type it, look in the little box.
It will say "read the rules or else", read them.
Once you follow directions, space your story and such, you'll do fine. But many of us really have no patience for people who fail to even space the paragraphs. You don't have to know code to do that.
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Anonymous
2:50 am | November 7, 2003
fine i'll do the second part, do you have any suggestions?
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the author
2:50 am | November 7, 2003
i'll make the second part does anyone have any suggestions?
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the author
11:17 pm | November 6, 2003
so what if i made a few errors. So sue me. i would use more abrasive words like the f-word but the guidlines prohibit me from doing so. so all i will say is if you have nothing nice to say(unless it is constructive critiscim (sp?) which none of you said it was) don't say it at all.
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coco@aol.com
10:45 pm | November 6, 2003
The bog ate a bone. It was the becon flavor kind. I also like that kind very much.
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gfhtrjgfnhs@aol.com
10:45 pm | November 6, 2003
the dog ate a bone. He sucked on it more and more. Dogs like bones. They really do.
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Alpha Lance
12:17 pm | November 6, 2003
Not good. You did not capitalize, indent, spelling, and I just don't like that Bo crap. If I were rating his, it would get a four out of ten. Sorry if I was a bit too harsh.
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Anonymous
12:11 pm | November 5, 2003
BASIC GRAMMAR LESSONS REQUIRED!
Let me say this so you understand... Grammar good. Illiteracy bad.
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Mainevent
2:57 am | November 5, 2003
Ghetto 101: Da, rulez, iz, deh, fo, a, raison.
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