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Comments for 'HELLJUMPERS CHAPTER 1: FEET FIRST INTO HELL' |
el_halo_diablo
11:35 am | September 6, 2002
like I said lol...Wado type comments lol j/k.
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el_halo_diablo
11:24 am | September 5, 2002
ok it was good for an introduction, but just as a little advice(Wado type advice). *Takes in very large breath* Active camo comes from the covenant, not the actually place of Halo. And this story can hardly do with being an ODST, all they did was drop 1 foot from the ground, not from the atmosphere. And the title for this exact part(Feet First Into Hell) is nicely worded, but nothing at all went wrong, so how can you call it hell if they didnt even encounter a single enemy that saw them yhadda yhadda. The story is a good concept, so I hope it gets better. Don't worry about this advice I gave you, lol I call it Wado advice, because it touches the slightest problems, no offense to Wado. Wado gives some very good advice though(uh...well heh...MOST of the time ;) ).
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Wado
6:21 am | September 5, 2002
Well first Sarge comments fairly nicely so I really wanted to read the story but I got side-tracked, then diablo puts my name all over a comment, so now I finally get to read the story...lol
Well I thought this first post of your story was pretty good. I actually don't know enough about Halo to comment on Halo specifics as well as diablo can and Sarge is great at writing so even a few words from him is worth a dozen from someone else.
Back to the story, I thought the title was appropriate. I saw it as feet first as in testing the waters, just a taste of what is to come. I thought the story short but well thought out. Now the only problems I had was the way you tried to bridge the gap between the 21st century and Halo time (whatever that year is, I forget). At least you try to bridge the gap, that's excellent. However, you probably don't need to explain so much how things are different. Night vision whether goggles or contact lenses makes little difference, the reader accepts either. No need to explain how compact they are until one day they fall on the ground and Rob needs a pair of tweezers to pick them up. Another example is the extended magazines and sniper rifle rounds that don't leave a vapor trail. Nice design, sounds practical, but again why mention it now? Do the rounds also not show up on radar/scanners. We can track the trajectory of artillery today, why can't they track where a bullet comes from 400 years from now?
So this is just comments, my opinion. Anyway, nice job and keep writing, it looks like the start of something really good.
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Andreas
2:27 am | September 5, 2002
for those of you who read el halo diablo's comments, i have a few things to point out. in the little intro, it says me and rob are members of the 229th Special Operations Group. not being part of the mainline ODSTs, they did not necessarily deploy with them. they are given several special assignments which have nothing to do with normal ODST operations. and the active camo came from covie staches around the construct. i agree, the feet first into hell was not really appropriate for the first chapter, but it was the best i could come up with at the time. thanks for your comments. anything to make the series better.
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el_halo_diablo
10:35 pm | September 4, 2002
DAMN! Someone beat me to this! I was going to make one like this just after I finished my 'CfaH' series.
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Sarge
9:34 pm | September 4, 2002
I may consider following this.
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