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Comments for 'ODST Lead the Way Chapter 1' |
Phalanx3580
8:26 pm | March 2, 2004
good i would really like to read the next story, becuase u are good writer
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teemus
12:08 pm | March 2, 2004
Not every story needs action. Some storys can be good without the slightest big of action, take this as an example, or even once of my TOD chapters. Im looking forward to the next one.
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teemus
4:16 am | March 2, 2004
Damn, I always screw up. Thanks for rubbing it in Kale. :P
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CoLd BlooDed
1:09 am | March 2, 2004
Congrats, teemus! You typed a post without making a spelling error! :P
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Helljumper
3:56 pm | March 1, 2004
Just so u guys know, I'm series is telling a story, and action is part of that story but not the whole part. I'm trying to develop the ODST as real special forces soldiers that play an important role in the war and are real people. you might not get any action until the 3rd or 4th chapter( and i use the term chapter losely, because the submission site won't let me post the chapters like I would want) but that doesn't mean its not worth reading.
ODST
First to rise, last to fall
Helljumpers do it all
Feet first into Hell
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CoLd BlooDed
9:18 pm | February 29, 2004
To all you who said it needed action, that is total crap. :P
Helljumper, great job, I like the way you can describe things and make it interesting. That is what kept me glued to the story--if not screen.
I'm waiting for the next one. :D
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SOS.Odin
7:54 pm | February 29, 2004
i thought ya did great
the detail was amazing
and u were just introducing
people so action was not
necessary
good job
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Helljumper
7:52 pm | February 29, 2004
For you new guys who haven't read any of my other work, do a serach for my series Battle for Tectron
ODST
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Mind_Affecting_Parasite
2:10 pm | February 29, 2004
I've never seen you write before, but that was some good stuff. Keep it up.
-MAP
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MC's Cousin
12:47 pm | February 29, 2004
I can only agree with the "drab" comments. BUT--yes, it is supposed to be that way. It's the first of the series, so you don't want to jump right into the action. Developement at this stage is crutial, as you probably well know. Darb? Sure. A little boring? Sure. But in my opinion it fits, and fits just fine. Keep up the technique. Your writing relaxes me as it is. Not harsh and hard corners like some firsts of some series, it flowes fairly well. As I can see, your reputation comes before you. Keep writing like that, and I will be nothing but impressed.
Signing Off
MCC
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Jon M
12:24 pm | February 29, 2004
Drab? This is some of the best scene construction I've seen here at HBO. All I can say at this point is ...more...more...more.
Of course now I know that no one is ever going to look at my crap...too much art.
Keep this up Helljumper. I'm going to check out your other stuff AFAP.
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Jon M
12:24 pm | February 29, 2004
Drab? This is some of the best scene construction I've seen here at HBO. All I can say at this point is ...more...more...more.
Of course now I know that no one is ever going to look at my crap...too much art.
Keep this up Helljumper. I'm going to check out your other stuff AFAP.
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The Collector
6:36 am | February 29, 2004
U know what this would make a great epilogue. Get cracking on the whole series u lazie bum I COMMAND U LOL great start u I can tell ur in college, good hook, great sentence structure and lazy work. *Sniff* *Sniff* I luv college
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Helljumper
6:47 pm | February 28, 2004
Thanx fellas, thats kinda what i was going for. I know it was "dry" but that was the point. I want the reader to get into the mind of a marine, make him a real person so that you care what happens to him. The next part is coming soon. keep the comments coming
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Awacar
6:17 pm | February 28, 2004
Action would be nice, but not needed. The skill of writing that you have shown proof of here kept me to the screen.
Waits for the next story...
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teemus
6:09 pm | February 28, 2004
I have to agree with Shade and Nick as well. The over all story was dry and kinda boring. The detail of writing though was good. Im looking forward the next one.
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Agent Shade
3:58 pm | February 28, 2004
i agree, although it was somewhat boring, the detail of writing you have is amazing, so i can only hope that your next chapter will have a bit more excitement and just as good writing.
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Nick Kang
12:29 pm | February 28, 2004
Kinda drab...all it is is some guy getting ready for an unknown mission. There is a lot of writing skill in there though. In the next one - if there IS a next one - try to put a bit more action in it.
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