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Comments for 'The Battle of Evermore Part 3: Rush' |
hornet34
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
The grammar is near perfect and the action intense, but it seemed like you were still rushing it at times. I thought the encounter between the grunt and Erik could have been elaborated upon. Like:
Erik lie in the dense underbrush, desperately aware that he was defenseless to stop the Covenant onslaught. Suddenly, a noise close by caught his attention.
A grunt had wondered from his squad for some unknown reason and was now dangerously close to revealing his position. Erik crept up slowly behind the creature, trying to take it by surprise. He reached down to pick up a stick, but the grunt heard the leaves rustle behind him and turned around.
Erik wasted no time swinging the stick down on the frightened creatures head. The stunned grunt reached for his gun, but Erik was able to get his hand on it first and wrench it from its grasp. A follow-up punch knocked the grunts methane mask loose, and Erik held the creature down while it slowly suffocated.
Erik took the plasma pistol, as well as two plasma grenades he had rummaged from the body, and...
I know its long winded, but I think its a nice one-on-one battle to contrast with the huge engagement about to take place. Sorry for taking up so much forum space, but no one else is using it. LOL
Can't wait for the next chapter. 9.3/10
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gruntkiller
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
np i like to hear what ppl think about my stuff
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Sergeant B
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Okay, but you rushed the fight scenes. Don't rush next time or type the story when you don't have anything to do.
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Brendan Harther
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
I hate this you jackass. You and that other guy are such bastards.
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Wado
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Great job Gruntkiller. Nice play-by-play action without bogging down the story with every little detail. Good use of viewpoint characters, Erik no doubt will play a much bigger role in stories to come.
The one problem I had with the story line so far is that things seem a bit isolated. Kind of reminds me of a post-apocalyptic action movie like Mad Max. You have such a compelling story so it can be easy to forget that there is a bigger world around and simple things like a radio can be the soldier's most effective weapon.
I would have liked to see a bit more drama involving radios/communications. Something in the manner of the good guys repeatedly calling in for artillery or air support and getting put on hold or simply getting the "YOYO" (You're On Your Own do the best you can).
Just a few thoughts. Keep up the great work.
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gruntkiller
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
if your going to say something brenden at least make sure your not talking about yourself
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Walker
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
And remember, the medication only works if taken every twelve hours.
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gruntkiller
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
yup always keep taht in mind too
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Alpha Lance
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Gruntkiller, I think Brendan is Sergant B. Look at the time on alot of their comments, and for some reason, they both post one after anouther. But hay man, this, good keep it up, 9.5/10.
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MasterGrunt
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
This story was good even if it was a little related to the Two Towers. And here is a comment for Brendan. DON'T WHINE SO MUCH. Even if you didn't like this story that much that doesn't give you the reason to swear up a storm at Gruntkiller. To sum it all up it's called common courtesy.
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hornet34
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
No offense Master Grunt, but I kind of like how it is related to the Two Towers. Its nice to see a little Lord of the Rings-Led Zepplin-Halo triangle going on here. I must admit, a strange mix, but a little thing that this is nice to see every once in a while.
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gruntkiller
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
thanks alot the next ones is gonna be a while comming soem stuff came up keeping me form being able to write all that often this week
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Jinkaiden-XI
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Brendan, I can't seem to understand what your deal is. The way you act when you're here is...childish.
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Alpha Lance
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Why do you always say bullshit to everyons story, it pisses me off.
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Vi3tl3l3oi 023(Return of CPT CRAPPER)
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
damn... the comments r turning into flaming comments! AHHH!
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monitor101
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Awesome to great for words 10/10! Once again Gruntkiller you have proven yourself as one of thee best authors here!
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monitor101
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Oh yah why don't you people calm down.
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gruntkiller
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
yeah its not that big a deal theres always a jackass or two on this site
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