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Comments for 'Sergeant Johnson/ Master Cheif Story Part 1' |
Jamirus99
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Dude, this fan fic could be good. It has potentioal...but you need to slow down and explain yourself. We need explanations at how all of the sudden Master Chief is leading around more than a battalion of marines...things like that. Also, banshees are not vacuum selaed: anybdoy who flew off of Halo on a banshee would die.
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scope
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
9/10 haha good
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Alpha Lance
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Sweet man 9/10.
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Khyber
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
its ok, 8/10
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JCDenton
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
why you guys never can spell master CHIEF good?
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Wiley
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
7/10
Suffocate
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SP
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
I'll agree with Jamirus that this has potential, but the composure is all cluttered. I'll give you at tip that makes FanFics go from decent to good. Everytime the speaker changes, make it a new paragraph. For example:
"Through that door, Chief," Cortana pointed out.
"That's what I thought," Chief remarked.
Like that, it makes the reading much easier. I have to admit parts were entertaining, but you could make them more descriptive. Like the unarmored hunter, describe what he looked like. There are other physical quirks in there as well, but remember that constructive criticism, when used, turns your potential into a shining 10/10. Keep it going.
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Kaboose
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
This Fan Fiction could turn out really good...and like Jarimus99 said, you should go into a bit more detail...8.5/10
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grunteater (the author)
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
thanx for all your posts! i appreciate all the help and by the way jamirus99, it said seargeant Johnson escaped in a modified banshee. Thanx for helping everyone!
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