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Comments for 'Halo: A Troubled Galaxy' |
Hawk7886
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
It's really hard to read a story submitted entirely in third-person, and in past-tense. Another problem I noted: The excessive use of the word "Then".
Have you considered writing in first-person/present-tense?
6/10
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Sergeant B
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Agreed Hawk. And also, it seemed a little rushed. NO description or anything.
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Ghost
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
sorry i rushed at the end i thought they posted saturday so at 11:30 i rushed the end a little.
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Alpha Lance
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
You shouldn't rush, and that's the thing that is wrong with most people. They always try to finish before the next bach comes in. People are so impatient, if you don't get it in before the next bach, go ahead and submit it, it will show up eventually.
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Mainevent
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Grammar
Description
Spelling
Three things missing from your fic. It isn't very original either, but what can we do.
Also, I doubt he's going anywhere in a long-sword hit by an orbital......ORBITAL....ORBITAL....wait til that settles in.
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ghost
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
part 3 will be posted tomorrow and he got hit in the wing ya it COULD explode but it didn't who cares!!!!!!
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masta'
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
hey, i tought that it was a great story and i wont all you retard critics that dont have a life and need to find sumthing betta to do than to pik on sum1's werk to just piss off, any way good job, i'll b waitin fo' da next 1 to come out
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Hawk7886
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Wow. What an original name. Besides, I only edit in my spare time now. I'll translate your post anyway. . .
*What Masta' meant to say . . .*
"Hey, I though it was cool and I just want to say how much I love ALL the critics here at H.B.O. In the future, I will try to watch and learn so maybe I'll become as skilled as all of you. After all, how many people actually take time out of their busy day to help some aspiring author become better at what they love? Any way, I loved you story, and I can't wait for the next one!"
Ahh, much better :)
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