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Comments for 'Life on The Piillar of Autumn according to Sgt. Johnson: Chapter 1' |
FUELRODGUN
1:44 pm | May 8, 2004
a'ight, a'ight, i'll give it a try.
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Keyes
4:21 am | May 8, 2004
To FUELRODGUN, This is the code.
italics [i] and [/i]
bold [b] and [/b]
underline [u] and [/u]
indent [indent]
half-rule [hr]
Good luck on your next story, and please be nice to Kang. He means well.
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FUELRODGUN
8:54 pm | May 7, 2004
well, Kang, if I don't know the code I can't use it, so BUZZ OFF!
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Keyes
10:57 pm | May 6, 2004
NOTE: Kang and myself are not trying to be mean. (Well, I'm not anyway) not trying to be mean. It's called constructive Critisism. Learn from it.
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Keyes
10:39 pm | May 6, 2004
To FUELRODGUN, I read your story. Chris??? I mean, come on. I haven't even read The Flood and I know his name. And that didn't even sound like Keyes, or Sarge for that matter. Dude, do some backround info checking. My initial story was ready two weeks before I posted it. I was completely off. So if you have to, wait to post it. HBO is not going anywhere soon. As for your Paragraph problem, send it to your friends and have them edit it. That's why I haven't posted number three yet. And to Nick Kang, Ya, I think his name is Carlos.
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Nick Kang
10:17 pm | May 6, 2004
And dutifully note that my big post was not an insult. Think of it as writing suggestions. If you can't handle my little post, wait 'till MCC reads this one.
NK
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Nick Kang
9:41 pm | May 6, 2004
Woah...okay, okay...a little anger problem. It may be hard to believe, but most of us here are friendly. (Most of us.)
I was just wondering...why would Sarge be using a sniper rifle in the mainly close combat battle for REACH? And I haven't read the instruction booklet for H: CE in a while since I got it about, oh...TWO FRICKIN YEARS AGO!!! And I'm not tellin' you what the code is, 'cause I'm sick of explaining it every time another n00b shows up. It's in plain sight, people, clear as frickin day.
NK
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FUELRODGUN
8:06 pm | May 6, 2004
AND WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT AN EFFIN' CODE?!?!?
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FUELRODGUN
8:02 pm | May 6, 2004
Oh, and Nick Kang? 14.5 mm rounds. SNIPER RIFLE!! DUH!!
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FUELRODGUN
8:00 pm | May 6, 2004
SCREW ALL Y'AL ('cept you, D4rjOn7, I appreciate it)
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Hawk7886
9:41 am | May 6, 2004
Yes, I have one:
Don't write out one huge block of text, it makes the reader's eyes bleed. I took one glance at the chunk of slaughtered language before deciding it's not worth my time.
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Nick Kang
9:59 pm | May 5, 2004
Oh boy! I beat MCC to it!
Let's review.
1. 14.5 mm rounds? From what gun? MA5Bs fire 7.62 mm rounds.
2. USE THE CODE, GODDAMMIT!
3. Lots of spelling and grammar issues, like not separating dialogue.
4. As said before, Sarge's name is Avery, not Chris. And I think Mendoza's name is Carlos. I don't think someone with a Spanish name like Mendoza would be named Jake.
5. It said the Chief was curled up...how? There's barely enough room in one of those cryo pods to fit him syanding up!
6. Never incorporate sounds into text...it makes the story sound cheesy.
7. Something about it didn't flow right. Perhaps you need a break in the dialogue. Here's an example:
BAD:
"Good, move out." Keyes said.
GOOD:
"Good," Keyes said, "Move out."
And you do need to read the books.
8. REACH's anti-orbital cannons are ALWAYS online, especially in the case of the Human-Covenant war. And single cities don't have their own A-OCs. The entire colony has one big set.
Phew, I know there are more, but I'm too lazy to list them. Feel free to mention any I missed.
NK
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DragonReborn
8:45 pm | May 5, 2004
I read the first sentence and quit. DON'T WRITE IN HERE UNLESS YOU HAVE READ ALL 3 HALO BOOKS. His name is Sargeant AVERY Johnson. Chris... Sounds like you made that up. Awful.
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Helljumper
7:17 pm | May 5, 2004
Yea its clear u didn't read the books. read them first then write a story. don't continue this one. and use the code
ODST
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D4rj0n7
6:36 pm | May 5, 2004
Its a good story but you need to read a few of the books, Sgt. Johnson didnt get on the P.O.A until AFTER the battle for Reach. And the M.C and company weren't in cryo before the battle. I hope you dont take this personal. So, if you make a few changes, it will be l337. Im just giving some constructive critisim.
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